A much-needed grammar lesson for EVERYONE. This is long overdue...

Okay, so for reasons beyond my comprehension, a good ninety five percent of the adult population has somehow never been able to master that nefarious goblin of spelling basics: the difference between your and you're, and the differences between their, there, and they're. I really don't think it's that difficult of a concept, but I know far too many otherwise intelligent people who continue to abuse this particular corner of the english language, and it's time that I did something about it. So for those of you still struggling with fourth grade grammar lessons, here's a little refresher...

LESSON 1: your and you're

YOUR is a pronoun, the possessive form of you, and thus refers specifically to possession. For example, "it is YOUR hat." You possess the hat. "Let's go to YOUR house." You possess the house. "Your friend wants to talk to you." You possess the friend. Well, you probably don't *actually* possess your friend, unless you own your friend as a slave or you're into some kinky dominant/submissive shit. But, you know, grammatically speaking... You get the point.

YOU'RE is simply a contraction of YOU ARE, you being the pronoun of the second person, and are being the present indicative plural of the substantive verb "to be." So, for example, when you say "YOU'RE going to the park," that is the same as saying, "YOU ARE going to the park." Amazing, isn't it? Some examples of this include, "YOU'RE an idiot." "Watch where YOU'RE going." "Let me know when YOU'RE done."

Now that you see how easy it is, let's try a quiz. In the following sentences, fill in the blanks with either YOUR or YOU'RE. When you're done, check the answers below and see how you fared! I know this is stressful, so I've made it easier by creating some sentences that MySpace kids can relate to:


1. "I like ______ haircut, it kind of looks like the one I had three months ago when it was still cool."

2. "______ not going to believe the ironic, faux-vintage t-shirt I got at Urban Outfitters!"

3. "My list of favorite bands is way more informed than ______ list of favorite bands."

4. "I hope ______ going to post those out-of-focus digital pictures from the Bright Eyes show on ______ LiveJournal."

5. "I can't believe ______ still listening to those guys; they already have a video so it's kind of over."


Okay, let's see how you did! Here are the answers: 1. YOUR 2. YOU'RE 3. YOUR 4. YOU'RE, YOUR 5. YOU'RE

If you got all five questions right, congratulations! You're ready to move on to lesson two! If not, I'd suggest going back and reviewing a few more times before you continue. This is pretty hard stuff, even for college-educated adults, so it's important that you feel really comfortable with these concepts.

When you're ready, let's do...

LESSON 2: their, they're, and there

This is a bit trickier, so pay attention!

THEIR is a pronoun, the possessive form of they. It serves the same purpose as YOUR, except it refers to the plural form of he, she, or it. Hence, a GROUP of people. So, when THEY possess something, it is THEIRS. For example, "it is THEIR hat." They possess the hat. "Let's go to THEIR house." They possess the house.

THEY'RE is the contraction of THEY ARE, they being the plural form of he, she, or it, and are being the present indicative plural of the substantive verb "to be." So, THEY'RE serves the same purpose as YOU'RE, except it refers to a group of people. When you use THEY'RE, it is the same as saying THEY ARE. For example, "THEY'RE having us over for dinner." "I don't know where THEY'RE going." "THEY'RE all playing basketball." Not too hard, eh? Well there's one more, and this is where it gets complicated...

THERE is an adverb, meaning "in or at that place." An adverb is a word that modifies a verb, which makes this very different from THEIR and THEY'RE. It is a place. Examples might be, "Let's go over THERE." THERE refers to the destination. "THERE is a dead kitten in the street." THERE refers to the place where the dead kitten is. "He's never been THERE before." THERE refers to the place where he has never been.

Simple enough, right? Let's have another quiz! Fill in the blanks with either THEIR, THEY'RE, or THERE. Good luck!


1. "Don't you think ______ song structure is a bit obvious?"

2. "______ always shopping at Diesel, but they can never afford anything ______ because ______ rent is so high from living on Bedford Ave."

3. "God, I can't believe you rent videos from Blockbuster, ______ exactly the type of corporate monstrosity that's killing off cinema as an art form."

4. "The Voice said Manhattan is the new Brooklyn, so I'm thinking about moving back ______ if I can pick up more bartending shifts and find six people to share a studio with."

5. "______ lyrics are so good, I can never narrow it down to just one part for my headline so I just put the whole song in my 'About Me' because it's like ______ describing my life SO perfectly in that song."


Okay, here are the answers: 1. THEIR 2. THEY'RE, THERE, THEIR 3. THEY'RE 4. THERE 5. THEIR, THEY'RE

Did you get them all right? If so, congratulations! You're finally catching up to a fifth grade education! Your LiveJournal friends are going to be oozing with jealousy over how sparklingly flawless your grammar is when you AIM them! If you missed a few questions, just keep practicing! And always remember, you don't really have to know how to spell to play derivative indie rock songs, so I'm sure you and your band still have a bright future in the music industry! Except that you're in it for art, so you would never want to be part of an "industry" anyway, right? My bad.