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Demonbaby: Monday, August 22, 2005subscribe to demonbaby

Curiosities from Japan's porno shops.

As everyone is well aware, Japan is absolutely brimming with bizarre shit, particularly when it comes to adult material. Tentacle rape, bestiality, people shitting on each other... They've got it all. So when I stumbled upon a seven-floor adult superstore, I knew I was going to walk out with some amazingly weird stuff.

First, though, there's plenty of pervasive material available right out on the street, before you even make it into a porno store. For example, these delicious-looking treats I found at a market - "Yokohama Bust Pudding":



I like how, the way the packages are set up, the girl on the right appears to be scowling at the girl on the left, as if jealous of her younger, perkier pudding breasts.


In Japan, vending machines are EVERYWHERE. Soda, candy, porn, dairy products... You'll find it all just a button-push away (This site catalogs some of the more unusual vending machines in Japan). Thankfully, this also includes machines that dispense capsule toys, which seem to be hugely popular in Tokyo. Unlike chintzy American capsule toys (cheap digital watches, plastic rings, etc), Japan's are incredibly cool and come in endless varieties. From capsule machines alone I got Excruciatingly detailed tiny little classic Nintendo systems (here being enjoyed by Wolverine), a Spider-Man figure, 3D Mario Bros. magnets, a monster trapped inside a cube, a miniature video game table (with fully working game), glowing Star Wars light saber keychains, and robot pandas being controlled by real pandas.

But amidst all of that, side by side with Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z, are adult-themed capsule toy machines which dispense little figures of partially naked girls doing all manors of unsavory things. Of course it's random so I felt compelled to try my luck and see what the porno figures looked like. The ones I got ranged from basic assortments, like girls showing their boobs and masturbating...



...to more illicit figures, like this one:



Yes, she's tied up to a post. Yes, her tit is falling out. Yes, that's a Kabuki mask between her legs. And yes, she comes with a collection of intricately-detailed little dildos. Amazing. However, easily the most disturbing assortment of adult-themed capsule toys involved doe-eyed, childlike girls in suggestive poses. This was one of the more expensive machines - 500 yen (about five bucks) for one toy, but it was certainly worth it, as I now own my very own toy of a little girl squatting to pee:



How fucking creepy is that? As you can see from the flyer included in the capsule (note the kiddie crayon font), the other toys in the assortment include little girls spreading their legs, little girls sucking suggestively on popsicles, and little girls dry-humping their teddy bears:



Incredibly, incredibly disturbing. And let me remind you, I didn't find these in some seedy back alley - all of these machines were right on the sidewalks in busy shopping areas.

Of course, capsule machines aren't just for figures - I found a vending machine called "Men's Gold Ticket," which offered an assortment of little sex toys for men, like little rubber vaginas and anal beads.



Unfortunately, the one I got wasn't very exciting - just some sort of French Tickler thing, with a little bottle of lube:



But sometimes all the French Ticklers in the world can't stop that lonely feeling, so you could always try your luck at a capsule machine that dispenses girls' phone numbers for you to talk to - I didn't actually get one of these, but it appeared as though each capsule includes a photo of the lucky lady, and a number to get in touch with her:




So if I found all that amazingly ridiculous stuff out on the street, what awaited me in an actual porno store? Of course I had to find out. The seven story adult megaplex included a floor for sex toys, a floor for magazines, two floors for DVDs, a floor for condoms and lubes, and even a floor for costumes. Japanese men love them some role-playing, so you can buy all kinds of elaborate outfits to suit your wildest fantasies, most of which appear to be based on popular anime characters.

In the condom and lube section, I found an assortment of funny manga-inspired condom packages - like this one, called "SACK 2":



I like the numerous phalluses on that robot, and also the writing at the top: "TRY NEW TYPE CAN YOU SURVIVE? 12 TIMES" Is that challenging me to survive safe sex twelve times? What, in a row? How do I survive, by not getting her pregnant? Not getting the hiv? Whatever the case, I hope I can survive - although I have yet to put my SACK 2's to good use.


On the sex toy floor, there was a large wall with dozens and dozens of cans - all of them in different colors and sizes, and all of them with different naked cartoon girls on them. A great deal of Japanese men were perusing this wall, carefully studying and comparing the different cans before making their decision. With nothing in English, it took me a few minutes of analysis to figure out that the cans were actually fake vaginas. They were all similarly priced - suspiciously cheap at 5-600 yen - so I wasn't sure what the difference was, except the girl on the outside. I guess you were meant to pick which naked anime girl you liked the best, and fuck this plastic can while fantasizing about her. Interestingly enough, none of the cans were very long - maybe six inches at the most. I was trying to avoid the whole Asian-men-have-small-penises thing, but they kind of handed it to me on a silver platter. Anyway, this is the vagina can I bought:



Yes, I bought one, purely out of curiosity as to what might be inside. Well, this is what's inside - a smelly, pre-lubricated Styrofoam opening:



Sexy, huh? Just like the real thing. I don't know what I was expecting when I opened up the can, but it certainly wasn't that. I guess that explains the low price - they're meant to be disposable, you fuck it a couple times and then get a new can.

This reminds me of a story I know I'm going to regret telling, but here goes: Quite a few years ago I was passing through New York for some reason or another, and one night I went out bar-hopping with a couple friends. We stumbled out of the last bar around 3am, drunk and giddy, laughing and tripping as we walked back towards our hotel. On the way we passed a porno store, which aside from the occasional pizza place was the only thing open at 3am. I'm not sure why - I think one of my friends wanted to buy a magazine - but we went in, and annoyed the shop's patrons by picking up every ridiculous sex toy and laughing about it loudly. The most absurd thing we found was a large plastic beer can - meant to look like "Coors Light," or something, but much larger - and when you unscrewed the cap at the top, there was a latex vagina inside, that you were meant to stick your dick in and fuck the can. Well, not really "fuck" the can, exactly, but masturbate with it. Same concept as the Japanese ones, but more elaborate. In fact, this is pretty much exactly what it was.

So of course we have to buy the beer can vagina, because we're drunk and it's funny, and we figure we'll find some entertaining unintended use for it. So we paid for it and continued on our merry way back to the hotel. Once there we said our goodbyes and retired to our rooms, and I realized that somehow I'd gotten stuck carrying the bag from the sex store. I set it down on the desk and didn't think much about it. That is, for a few minutes, until I found myself sitting on the bed in my hotel room, drunk and lonely and sexually frustrated, and I kept staring over at that stupid beer can vagina. "Maybe I should just try it. Just see what it feels like..." I mean, why not, right? You know. Just for kicks, right? So you know what? I fucked it. Yeah. I fucked a plastic beer can. I fucked the shit out of that can. And you know what? It felt alright. It did the trick. That is, until it was all over. Until the moment after, when I was hit by a sobering freight train of humility, looking down at my dick stuck inside a latex vagina housed in a plastic beer can. Moments like that you start to question everything - "How the hell did it come to this? Who am I? What am I doing with my life?" I probably sat there for an hour, silently with my plastic lover, pondering my existence.

The next morning, when the subject of the previous night came up and someone said, "oh, where's that funny beer can thing we got? Rob, you had it, right?" And everyone looks at me, and I just stare at them for a moment, and then say, "...I fucked it. I fucked it and I hated myself, and now it's gone." There was a slight pause, followed by uproarious laughter. The ridicule took months to subside.


Anyway, back to weird Japanese sex toys. This next one was a heavily featured product at the store, clearly a very popular item. It's a clear plastic funnel meant to be inserted into someone's ass, and it comes with a little flashlight to shine inside the ass, and, well, look around. Ya know, see what's going on in the ol' anal cavity. Here's the sign with the product itself down below:



Yes, behold the butt funnel. There was a sign next to it which said, "This is truly amazing! See the things which you have never seen before!" You know, you're right, I have seen a lot of things, but never the inside of someone's rectum. And is that really such a bad thing? Is that something I need to see? I'm not sure, but I bought the funnel, so the option is always there. That's one of those things that, if you really wanted to look inside a girl's ass via the butt funnel, how do you bring that up? "Hey, baby, so, I was thinking... Uh... You know, I just love you so much, and I want to see all sides of you.. You know, from the inside out... so, you know, I was thinking it would be really romantic if I, you know, spread your asshole open with a plastic funnel and shined a flashlight inside your gaping rectum. Would you like that, baby?"

The illustration on the package is fucking fantastic:



Look how embarrassed she is! "Oh no, don't look inside my butt! Tee hee!" Amazing.


Last, but certainly not least... There was a rack in the porno store with dozens of little packages hanging on it. Each package had a photo on the front of a cute Japanese girl, dressed like a schoolgirl or a maid or a nurse or Sailor Moon or some shit. In each photo, the girl's panties or pantyhose were clearly visible. And inside the package was the girl's (presumably dirty) actual panties or pantyhose that she wore in the picture. Okay, that's weird enough on its own, but the best part was over on the side of the rack there was one package with a sloppy polaroid of an ugly, pantyhose-wearing Japanese girl. It stood in contrast to the cute young girls professionally photographed on all the other packages, and as a result it was marked 50% off. Discount used panties, dude. Unwanted goods. I started laughing right there in the store, which earned me a scornful look from the shopkeeper, who clearly took the panty selection very seriously. I wondered if maybe the ugly girl was his girlfriend, and he'd talked her into letting him sell her panties at the store, to see if they could make some money on the side. Apparently it didn't work out too well, and she had to come down in price:



So there you have it. Now that I've purchased all this crazy shit, I'm all set for a hott night of masturbatory heaven - fucking a greasy styrofoam opening while I sniff some crack whore's crab-ridden pantyhose and examine the insides of my rectum.

Japan - I love you, man.

UPDATE: MORE Curiosities From Japan's Porno Shops!


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218 Comments:

Blogger Natali said...

TMI ROB.

6:36 AM  
Blogger Severus said...

So you're trying to tell us you only got ONE of those can-pussys? Sure.

You didn't stock up for the fall? I think you did. The can vagina look like water melon. Yum yum.

The disturbing kiddy is really disturbing. Japan is truly obsessed with youngsters, grown up women have to try to look like little schoolgirls as long as possible. Ick!

Top 3:

1) The mini dildos you get with the Geisha. That's something you never got as accessories to your Barbie dolls.

2) The ass gun! Was this what you were supposed to do with the Nintendo gun? That girl is SO embarrassed.

3) The robot pandas are seriously great. I love them.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous That girl from London you never talk to said...

You fucked a can vagina!!!!

I once got thrown out of a sex shop for twatting a man round the head with a dildo, as if it were a lightsabre.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Huey Lewis Forever said...

Rob, you are officially rated "H"

11:21 AM  
Blogger Rob said...

Fuck, I can't believe I forgot this one from the capsule toys - little miniature classic Nintendo systems, accurate to every detail!

I added it to the main post.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I couldn't stop laughing. And I love the pandas!

12:58 PM  
Blogger Ugliest Panties Ever said...

*falls about laughing*

Thanks a lot, now I'm stuck with an image of you in a hotel room fucking a canned vagina.

*laughs some more*

I've only been into a porn shop once... it was a bit disappointing really. I looked around, sniffed disdainfully, and then left chuckling to myself.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Robin the Mad Photographer said...

I can top that: Japanese lesbian eel porn.

(Yes, it exists; no, I haven't seen it; my friend's descriptions were bad enough--baby eels where the sun don't shine...)

As for blazing new trails through the self-abuse landscape, remind me to tell you the tale of Humectress Man (a former housemate's boyfriend) someday... *evil grin*

6:18 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

Actually, I've seen Japanese eel porn. Clips of it, anyway. It ain't pretty.

I've also seen Japanese people vomiting into each others' mouths, eating shit with forks and knives, drinking each others' snot, etc. They've thought of it all.

The worst, though, was this incredibly bizarre video of a masked man violently shoving frogs into the vagina of a crying, tied-up Japanese woman. Few things, if any, offend me, but this one did, because I like frogs.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Charlynn said...

Pussy in a can. What will they think of next?

9:39 PM  
Blogger anita estrada said...

I think that vagina can has an STD.

9:52 PM  
Blogger Yasamin said...

You just graduated to Pussy Willow!!! hah great stuff.

11:05 PM  
Blogger winnyboy said...

Fucking cool.

11:33 AM  
Blogger winnyboy said...

Fucking Cool.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Athenia Animus said...

What? No gummy sex toy?? C'mon Rob!!! I was sooo expecting to see a giant gummy anime girl bound and gagged or a gummy rubbery something or rather...

12:35 PM  
Blogger Robin the Mad Photographer said...

So you have seen the eel porn...*shudder* Maybe I'm just hopelessly vanilla, but if your sex life requires another species, and especially if you need to snuff small animals to get your rocks off, then Your Kink Is Not OK. ("you" in the general sense, not you personally, of course...)

5:59 PM  
Blogger jill said...

You know, you hear about Japan's sexual fascinations and perversions and all, but I guess I needed to stare at children peeing and a styrofoam vagina to really drive it home.

...Thanks for contextualizing. I guess.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Holly said...

"I've also seen Japanese people vomiting into each others' mouths, eating shit with forks and knives, drinking each others' snot, etc. They've thought of it all."

Thanks to your dumb ass, I've seen a few of those things, too. Why do you subject me to these things? WHY?

I hate you.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Muffin said...

"So, do you want to come back to my place and look into my rectum?"

btw, thanks for moving to a place where anonymous lunatics like me can annoy you with their mindless comments!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

I hope you don't mind, but I used a good part of your can-fucking story as my new signature on chud.com. This might be your best work yet.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Su said...

LMFAO!!

Absolutely loved the can of beer incident!

3:05 PM  
Anonymous French Guy said...

oh man ! the whole "hey honey can I look into your rectum" part is so funny :D I'll try to remember that the next time I see my girlfriend!! ;)Japan's porno stuffs sound as crazy as shit :P

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im going to be sick....

7:10 PM  
Blogger Poor Baby Dan said...

for some reason,

the Robot Panda controlling Panda's make me really happy.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Gloppy said...

Hi Rob,

I found your blog thanks to a french site mentioning your "Japan porno shops" note. I haven't read enough of what you write to form a definitive opinion about your blog but I read enough to know that you write really well and that it was therefore a pleasure to read your "report" here. I certainly will come back later to read more !
Thanks a lot for providing me with some interesting read and a good laugh today.
~Gloppy
(a dude from France)

7:59 AM  
Blogger winnyboy said...

Also, Japan is riddled with bad AIDS.
This blog also reminds me of the reasons I want to visit. Absolutely no shame whatsoever. Nice!

11:58 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

And you bought all that fun stuff just to tell us about it. Gee, that's very nice of you.

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Norma said...

Gosh that made me hott! LOL! 8^)!

6:17 PM  
Blogger Avi said...

Great blog man. I hope you dont mind, I used a picture from your blog with a link back to you. I love this stuff!!

11:58 PM  
Anonymous lizzy-tron said...

i had a friend, who on a loney night in his apartment, once fucked a couch. yep i said it, couch. he put his dick in a plastic bag filled with lotion and then stuck between the cushions and just pumped his little heart away. ha ha, i wonder how many girls fuck wierd things...i mean there is a plethora of phallic like household items that one might utilize...

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A "friend" you say??

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Marshall said...

My friend bought me (via the miraculous Ebay) an amazing resin cast model of what appears to be a secretary, masturbating on a toilet. It even came with an excruciatingly well detailed toilet paper roll to attach to the imaginary wall next to her.

My favourite piece of Japanese wierdness so fare is a hardcover coffee table sized book put out by Mandarake, where several men take turns tying up a girl in an Ultraman style outfit, getting her naked, and then shaving her on the company loading dock. The wierd part? Inside the book, in a tiny plastic pouch is one of her pubic hairs from the shaving, complete with serial number, indicating its authenticity in the edition.

6:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man you fucking that can that is the funnest shit i have ever heard i am still laughing. You rule in my book.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Dr. G said...

holy jesus man!

you have a strange fascination, my trusted internet associate...

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lived in Japan for over 10 years, and you just caressed the surface, dude. The cosplay and anonymous hentai party scene has people who bring the weirdest shit ever...

I never did fuck a beer can though. Frank Booth would be proud of you, son.

9:57 PM  
Blogger espletts said...

OMG ROFL!

11:27 PM  
Blogger Allen said...

This is brilliant stuff. Thanks for posting it. I love the canned pussy incident. BTW, you're on boingboing now!

12:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha fantastic post!

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Robot package is a parody/homage to Mobile suit:Gundam, and as such has a lot of puns on it.
For instance, the robot is a paly on the MS-06S, which is why the condoms are type:MSEX-06S. Newtypes are humans that expertly pilot the robots, jsut like you will be (hopefully) expertly piloting the condoms. ;)


Rob, a nerd on the other coast

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The girl who's wearing pantyhose isn't ugly at all.
Or maybe i'd like to see the others packages to compare with. ;)

The mini entertainment system is very cute. Is it playable ?

3:51 AM  
Blogger Art said...

This is officially the greatest post I have ever seen at any blog, ever.

7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOOOOOW.

Some pretty fucked up shit. Videodrome type shit.

Dude, do you like have a closet full of this shit.

But that canned pussy, "grin". Jesus.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man... butt funnel...

The panda's from some animated thing called Panda-Z.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous vena said...

i was pretty excited when my friend came back from japan with tons on manga porn. he didn't want to share though...he just kept them in the trunk of his car cause he was scared his mom would find them any where else. (does your mom come over and search your house for porn? mine doesn't either..but what ever)

2:10 PM  
Anonymous wayan said...

While I enjoyed the porn channel in my Japanese capsule hotel pod, and I am quoted in Glamour magazine talking about the joys of anal sex, never once have I thought about using a butt funnel to look up a Japanese girl's ass.

Some things are never meant to see the light of day (or a fashlight).

4:16 PM  
Blogger Peter in Japan said...

Haha, great post. I was surprised to see some of the things we sell on J-List (the Ero-Pon bondage figures) there. http://www.jlist.com/SEARCH/ero_pon_figure if you want to see (not intended as spam at all).

4:56 PM  
Blogger Sideshow said...

The Japanese culture is pretty odd in some ways...very strict about some behavior, but selling porn from machines is ok. In fact, there is even a coin operated video game that involves jamming a finger into an ass attached to the machine. It's called Boon-ga Boon-ga.

Oh, yeah, they have cockroach porn too.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What will the think of next!

The vigina in a can is a disgrace. My milk shake brings the girls.

12:46 AM  
Blogger Rich Pav said...

I've been living in Japan for the past 15 years. Yes, this stuff exists. But what you have to understand that it exists on the fringe of society. As part of the big picture it's .0001% of it.

3:12 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

That post about the japanese stuff is truely amazing! Had a good laugh, and had to shake my head a lot!

4:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude you are brilliant!
I was laughing my ass off at this. Very very funny.

6:24 AM  
Anonymous memememe said...

I've loved many many beer cans, but they never put out. You're a lucky man.

7:33 AM  
Blogger E. said...

fuck, you kill me. signed, a new stalker.

7:54 AM  
Blogger BathTime Gal said...

LMFAO!!! You are too much!!! Found your blog via zazzafooky's blog...love you to death, not to mention you're a cutie...I'll be back to read more!!!!!

10:52 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Found you over on zazzafooky. . this is a great post. Very honest and very funny.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Bill German said...

were's all the gay shit?

5:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God Rob... look at all these comments. You have soooo many minions!

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The NY beer can story is tops, I almost pissed myself. No doubt I would do the same. Only when my friends asked me what happened to the can I would lie and say I threw it away. Also I probably wouldn't have written about it on the net. Thanks for the laughs.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

"...I fucked it. I fucked it and I hated myself, and now it's gone."


FUNNIEST POST EVER!!!!

My husband and I enjoyed this immensely.

TJ sent me from zazzafooky.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Buddy, I don't know how many people read your blog, but I hope as many people as possible read about you fucking that canned vagina because I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Keep up the good work!

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like Japan has bounced back pretty well I'd say =0) Nice post!

12:30 AM  
Blogger Innuendo said...

Due to your fine writing skills, I was truly IMMERSED into the vagina-can experience. Stunning. ;)

6:33 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

This is some very funny stuff. I needs me some of them mini video game systems. My action figures are so, so very bored.

dave
from Maximum Awesome

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great blog entry!

DutchPHL

8:56 AM  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

You could probably use that anal examiner thing in someones pussy... that would be a little less, well minging lol.

Im soo going to Japan, what kind of things do they have for girls?

xxB

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Helena said...

Came through Groonk. This is, as you know, hilarious. Fearless and honest, and now I have a crush.

3:02 PM  
Anonymous cthules said...

Robin described this post to me, which I then had to share with other folks in The Kingdom of Loathing. Their response:

"Can I have a Diet Vagina in a can?"

so, she had to eventually send me the url. the images really do, er, deepen the experience, er, thanks.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Virgin Slut said...

I thought this entry was great, until I got to the comments! LOL all round!

9:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once saw a clip of this Japanese variety show, yes those prime time variety show, where all the audiences are female and they have male 'guests' that comes in naked.

The female host will pick volunteers from the crowd to BJs the men on 'live' television. The crowd went wild, all raising their hands frantically.

Then there's a lucky draw where the lucky lady will get a lucky fuck. That lucky man....

- Ah Fia

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Editinggod said...

I work in a porn store, and we have a camera that's in the shape of a dildo. Selling for 150$CDN (so, like, 4$USD), you can purchase your very own spelunking equipment.

There's also a stethescope, you know, in case your vagina speaks to you.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Pietro said...

I think you should use the anal examiner to look into those cans. AT least to check if they are selling you used ones ;)

3:49 AM  
Blogger funlearning said...

OMG this is hilarious!!! I about peed myself I was laughing so hard.

BTW, I found your site through TJ over at Zazzafooky

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

6:39 AM  
Anonymous Malena said...

That was a great post. And despite the vagina in a can (that's extremely odd in itself) I LOVED the panda driving a panda toy....

LOVED IT!

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Вот блять! Охуеть просто можно, у нас ёпт продаются члены прыгающие, а здесь трансформеры блять ввиде фалосов и прочая хуйна! =))))) Скоро бля в саматыки они догадаются радио блять встраивать - это будет совсем охуеть! 8)

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ohhh... great post.

BTW: Through the devils of Winny I accidentaly got one of the games from the series mentioned in this post (that plastic model of girl peeing is from game "my first housekeeping" - Hajimete no orusuban). Throughout the game you, as an "oniichan" get "friendly" with the girls over and over, all with cute japanese voiceacting and all... Definitely weird.

Lesson: put a rule NOT to accept anything with "18sai" in the filename for winny.

As for the post saying this is 0.00001% of Japan... I wonder why there's so much of these stores then :) And why the biggest event on Odaiba is comiket.

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post, funniest thing I've read for awhile. Had to add the link to this image

http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~shane/stasj/pics/humor/div/jp-bed.jpg

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.dazbert.co.uk/sites/rudefood/index.php?page=food/vergina.htm

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: the comment "I once saw a clip of this Japanese variety show, yes those prime time variety show..." I know the clip you mean and it's emphatically NOT something that was aired on Japanese TV, it's from a porn film

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Nick said...

When i read about the lesbian Eel porn i couldn´t stop searching for it and when i found it... well, let´s just say that it´s quite disturbing...

**Warning**
Eel porn! Not work safe...
http://media.putfile.com/eels_chunk_3

9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dammit, remove that link to the eel porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No additional comments

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Had a friend (actually wasn't my friend, he was just in my class) in school who used a Papaya to emulate a vagina... Now, that's disturbing... (I just hope he didn't get hungry after sex...)

And, man!! you screwed a can!!! XD (I know everybody said it, but I just had to hahahaha).

Very cool blog, now that I'm studying japanese I know what to look for ;P

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's nothing wrong with having sex with a can, with a latex vagina, or a foam vagina. If it feels good, and you're not hurting any poor innocent eels, frogs, or stretching a someone's ass out to painfully distended proportions so you can look in it, then fuck all the cans you want. There is no shame in that.

11:51 PM  
Anonymous The buzzer said...

Hey dude, you're Buzzed!

This blog entry is now on the swedish site buzz.bazooka.se generating thousands of visitors laughing their asses off. If you can read statistics on this entry, the number of visits will probably be insane.

Thanks for a good read!
I have to visit Japan...

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too have spent hours eyeing the odd and perverted in Japan, but I was just observing people! I never found the 7 story mega sex o plex! Dont know how I missed it really....DAMN!
beer can...harsh tale to own up to...

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude i laft my pants of this was fabuolus reading for me, Nice Rob very nice indeed mate =)

Al

3:23 AM  
Anonymous voxie said...

That was a fucking wicked intrguing read :p

5:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is why i wish i could have a penis for a day...

7:41 AM  
Blogger E said...

You wish you had a penis for a day because you would want to fuck a can?

Great post man, seriously funny. WFMU sent me your way...

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that can story was one of the funniest things I have ever read. Not many people can claim a moment of enlightement after they fucked a beer can.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure those eels
are actually *hagfish*.

Hagfish, recently featured
on Discovery channel's 'Mythbusters' show (they were trying to ascertain whether wallets made from their skin will demagnetize credit cards) are carrion feeders which probably explains why the would be willing to worm their way into a person's asshole.

Some hagfish links:

http://www.exile.ru/2003-April-06/less_is_more_the_backtobasics_hagfish.html

http://oceanlink.island.net/oinfo/hagfish/hagfishathome.html

6:15 AM  
Blogger jessica said...

hahaha this fuking rocks. i love it.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for taking the time to write this :D

6:18 AM  
Blogger zombie nurse said...

I knew this guy that made a makeshift vagina out of a kleenex box, many elastic bands and vaseline. At least you're high society in the pocket vagina world.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Thomas Ventimiglia said...

thats awesome, they had a stuff like that once on laughingmyassoff.com

11:12 PM  
Blogger Mad Panda said...

You have just made my day.

2:29 AM  
Blogger Norrin Rad said...

Well, at least you can blame the beer can incident on being drunk. But you know you would have totally fucked that beer can sober.

8:38 AM  
Anonymous PrettyLostGirl said...

funniest thing I have ever read!

Why dont we have sex toys in vending machines in America?? It would make my life a whole lot easier lOL.

You rock. I'm soo coming back.

4:24 PM  
Anonymous PrettyLostGirl said...

Oh yes, and I love you for admitting you fucked the can!!

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know how I got to this page but it's hilarious and made my day. Thx.

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just watched that fucking eel porn and puked everywhere dude...
that shit is so gross

now an electric eel.....that would be kinky

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you never fail to amuse me, and for that, i thank you.

also, some of that stuff, especially those little girl figurines, was really disturbing. oh japan. ohh japan.

-Louise.

7:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Considering that I was born in Japan and still have relatives there, I can attest that there is some really twisted shit there, especially when it comes to sexuality. (I guess that's why I'm such a perv myself.) In any case, it's more interesting to read the titles of some of these products. For example, for the little girls peeing, etc.; the title of that product is "First Time Alone at Home." Another one is the anal-scope. It's called the "Anal Eye". Odd names of products are common, particularly with cars there, but this stuff beats it all!

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've been popbitched

6:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you cant buy one of those tins, years ago in high school someone reccomended an empty toilet roll tube with wafer thin ham inside to use to wank!

6:51 AM  
Blogger sideshow said...

Just came back from Japan last month

I've got that figure of the girl masturbating herself on top of my pc at home :P

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! That woman was not ugly! How often does a female criticize a male's looks when they aren't identical to impossibly proportioned anime men?! Still, I sympathize with your point, and I would laugh my fucking head off in that store.

4:54 PM  
Blogger nat! said...

It takes a strong man to admit to fucking a plastic beercan.

Yet, if you think about it, there must be a market for them if they are selling them in the first place, so you're not really alone.

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That girl isn't ugly! I suppose all the girls you sleep with look like Angelina Jolie?

3:23 AM  
Anonymous Julian said...

you own

4:53 AM  
Blogger Rich said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm living in Japan now and haven't seen a porn shop yet. I'm so disappointed! Where was this one? This post makes me sad that my only internet access is at my junior high school, where I can't thoroughly peruse the post.


-- Marasca from Live Journal

1:59 AM  
Anonymous Jonman said...

Fuck me. I haven't laughed so hard since I shat on my cat's head.

My step-mum's Japanese. I think I might ask her for some of this shit for Christmas. It would certainly break the ice around the dinner table.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes, the 50% girl is ugly. if you don't think so, you are probably a hetrosexual girl with Political Correctness Disorder...

12:55 PM  
Anonymous netking said...

vagina can looks sweet... no ass can ?

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is the funniest crap I have read in a long, long, long time.

I have tears in my eyes.

Christ almighty. That was some funny shit.

3:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually wouldn't mind showing a 'poopshow'.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great... Vagina in a can, cans of Whoop Ass...

What's next, Cock in a bottle?

As if I didn't have enough reason to not drink Coors Light...

Goddamn canfucker!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous rg. said...

Japan is amazing.

BTW, new to your blog. I think it's brilliant.

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there a place I can buy those lolita toys on the web? also does anyone know if the first hentai movie "lolita anime" is still on the market?

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That 50 % off girl is not ugly. lets see your hideous face before you judge others. i betcha she looks better than you.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to buy those toys of the little girl peeing and humping the teddy bear but where can I go to buy it?

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to buy some of this stuff. (The little girl figurines, anime girl vaginas.)

But are they available anywhere online!?

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THANKS 4 NOTHING! Once again it seems that if you want something done you have to do it your self! I found (after DAYS of deep diving in to the seedy world of japanese porn sites and shops online) those awsume Hajimete no orusuban capsule toys. Now I to have my very own little girl figure humping a teddy bear. Next time hook a Brother up with some info on where to find the cool shit you build up so high! -_- *_* P.S. I am a total perv so love me LADIES!!!

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Hopdude said...

Thanks for totally making me want to go to Japan. BTW, it's not horrible to fuck a plastic beer can. It'll only ruin the rest of your life if you're not Japanese.

2:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucking a beer can? "Here's to good friends, tonight is kinda special..."

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Keitaro said...

Well you gotta admit, they do have some crazy shit there, but I mean when i went to Japan I was expecting all this wierd shit, but I didn't see it on the streets.
And Japanese girls are REALLY shy to enter any of these stores.

But if someone wants to see some true quality Japanese porn check out
htt://www.kawaii-av.net

not those are hot.


I am curious as to how the vagina in a can feels like.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Great taste - less filling." lol
Sounds like Japan's a pretty "interesting" place to be.
That's just creepy about the little girl dolls and the eel porn. I'm too scared to watch the video so I'll just take everyone's word on how gross it is. I don't think I need a video to tell me that, though. Yuck.
Doesn't anyone have normal sex there?

10:49 AM  
Blogger Ana said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:36 PM  
Blogger RahX said...

OMG LOL!

8:47 PM  
Anonymous Allison said...

kinda hot Rob, nice.

11:37 PM  
Anonymous lastgrace said...

where the packaged panties are concerned:

http://www.kontrabandcontent.co.uk/1/graphics/tvads/efun123_disgunder1.mov

1:36 PM  
Anonymous lastgrace said...

uhh lets try that again.

http://www.kontrabandcontent.co.uk/1/graphics/
tvads/efun123_disgunder1.mov

2:01 PM  
Anonymous MAUT said...

The most craziest and funniest blog I've ever read. I can't wait for my flight to Japan!

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just found your blog today, kept me entertained for more time than I care to admit.

Because I don't feel like reading 134 fucking comments the Panda thing is called Panda-Z, in case it has not been mentioned.

Thank you for the laughs

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Great Mighty Poo said...

this blog was the funniest shit i ever read i cant stop laughing my ass off the funniest part was the beer can vagina part

11:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love JAPANS ...

Tolga from Turkiye.

7:16 AM  
Blogger MCeeP said...

Dude, that is some funny shit!
I got sent over here from B5tv.com, so us Babylon 5 fans are getting a kick out it. :)

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow... that was seriously amusing. i had no idea japan was THAT perverted. its kinda funny, my names rob and i have a similar story involviving lots of boose, embarasment/regret, and one of those fake pussy thingies.lol, random. also i picked up on that whole gundam condom thing, thats pretty funny. it goes even further though. that package is an almost exact replica of the box to the toy model of that thing. i dont think its a coincidence.

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u fucked a can hahahahaha. pepsi should hire u as a spokesperson!!!

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

.... o m g .... i gotta go to japan.......

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW,dude--great stuff!! Who'd a-thunk it--now you don't have settle for being a GP when you play doctor, you can specialize and be a play-proctologist!!
Did you find any toy specului and examtable stirrups -- for playing OB-GYN???

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooooopsia sekxamatorki dojrzale

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bought a can of pussy because i thought it was funny as well...i didn´t fuck it probably mostly because i´m a girl... but i did forget it was in my car when i was driving my dad to the airport...he noticed it picked it up examined it opened it smelled it and said "is this a vagina?"...it is traumatic to watch your dad smell fake pussy...but probably not as traumatic as fucking a can

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow this has got to be the best blog i've ever read. you write really well!

although i felt kinda sick to my stomach after reading this entry.

i can't wait to visit a sex shop with my friends so we can all laugh at the stuff in it. =D

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that is disturbing!

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Mary80 said...

LOL Fantastic blog!!!

Look what I've discovered... Ladies and gentlemen I'm presenting you the the mouth and the "thing". LOL

2:43 AM  
Blogger katmars said...

Does someone know a wholesale supplier for the "sex in the can" products ?

We operate an online store at www.dvdtek.fr and would be interested at importing this for the frenchies.

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GOT SMALL DICKS
USE ALL NECESSARY MEANS, EVEN TELLING THE LADIES TO FAKE IT...HAHA JAPANESE MEN...SHOULD MAKE YOUR PORN MORE PLEASING TO OTHER EYES THEN WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING FOR DECADES....PEACE..

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Ivan Bellman said...

hey homie~

I was writing about another faux vagina . . .
http://www.culturebot.org/archives/2006/03/28/WendyTheGiantVaginaPhiloktetesReduxBTwo.php

but yours rocks hard!!! I fucked a beer can once but it didn't have a pussy in it.
~ib

3:39 PM  
Anonymous J Crowley said...

That last image really smacks of "last known photograph".

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

HAHA, oh man, you just SO made my day :D I mean I have finals tomorrow and was supposed to study, but this was way more fun :P

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uno: The deal with the condom-bot (Sack II) is it's ripping off a mecha suit called the Zaku II (which is why your condoms have a model number), and in Japanese "Sack" would be pronounced "Sa-ku..."

Two-o: Panda Z is, in fact, the best thing ever.

Three-o: I used to own one of those beer-can pussy things (also, at the time, available in "mouth" & "ass" configurations), and my experience was exactly the same as yours . . . every single time.

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha, I came across this page when searching for imported Beer & Wine shops in Tokyo. I also have that woman who is tied up, gagged and has a Tengu mask between her legs. Bought it at Don Quijote.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Soundfx4 said...

Hi-fricken-larious! You didn't need to use the work fuck though...ever. I hate that word, people use it way too much. Seriously, that word should only be used for when you are pissed off...But no big deal, was still a good laugh!

4:42 PM  
Anonymous BlackLiger said...

Uh....uh.... wtf @ that.........

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude...fucking awesome. Oh, and the eel porn posts are unnecessary. I think I'll go vomit now.

7:47 PM  
Anonymous James said...

Fantastic post! I love them japanese porno shops!

5:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was the funniest blog I have ever read!!! I mean roaring outloud laughing! :-P LOVED IT!!!!!

2:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rob, if you like, I'll invite you to my mixi. Have you ever heard of this social networking stuff yet?
You can exploer more about Japan and its weird culture!
There are a lot more to learn about Japan Rob! hehe
my e-mail is haleyhentai@yahoo.com
e-mail me, and i'll invite you to this crazy networking thingy....

7:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was searching for "eel porn" cuz my friend told me how sick it is.. anyway came upon your post. HILARIOUS. Best post ever. Never dating a Japanese guy.

Thanks for being honest w/ us about the beer can. Hahhaha you're brave, man. :) Hahahahah!!

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Daniel said...

That beercan "pause-moment" is brilliant... its just too funny..

Also on a side note, I once went into a danish grandama-porno shop. It only sold dvd's and there were some regular once but most of them were german oma discs..

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

B3st Druugs and Gr8 S3X!
c r e d i t b y m i la n . com
w f h m . c o m / milan-thakkar

milan.thakkar@gmail.com

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm looking for this:


http://www.efukt.com/view.php?id=247

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Japan here I come heh heh

8:46 AM  
Anonymous a.gordon@canadiancoalition.com said...

I kinda like the pussy in a can. I could see myself using that. But I wouldn't want to be forced to open it up at an airline security check!

8:47 AM  
Anonymous marcus said...

dude this fuckin rocks !!!! i haven't laughed so hard in ages. bookmarked ya and will come back for more.

peace,
marcus

3:48 PM  
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11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet baby Jesus, that was hilarious. Someone linked here through randominsanityonline.com, and since I always read every post, I followed the link. I was very... enlightened after reading this blog.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Jesse said...

Totally wonderful. Thank you so much for posting that. I'm a Japanese studies major, someone who knows a lot about Japan, but I found out a ton of new stuff reading that. I feel like I belong in this wonderful country, where I have the option of buying such absurd items should the desire strike me. PS, I too tried a vagina in a can once, both the styrofoam one (bad idea--not only are they not long, they're not wide, and my member rubbed against the plastic edges something fierce--NOT pleasurable) and an American latex one. I'm sure we're not the only ones; no worries. Great story behind your experience anyway.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello

I would like to recommend on a great free site for students 18 and up seeking sex experience

real sexy people and free

http://www.adultclickfinder.com


Jin


Posted by: jin at Dec 19, 2006 12:07:17 PM

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you posted this ages ago but.. I don't suppose you remember where this 7 story store of sin is, do you? lol

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is amazing!! I´m a total feminist and I hate porn and sex but this is just so brilliant that I can´t help laughing. Your story about the beer can fucking is hilarious, and I´m just in shock about Japan now, but I want to go there and get some stuff from the wending machines they´re disgusting but I´m still fascinated by them. So wrong.... The greatest blog post ever ;)

Both you and all of Japan are in my prayers from now on, thanx ;)

5:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love all the products you have on your blog with japans porno shop. I have seen some of this on this sex shop thanks for posting your sex toys.

10:56 PM  
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7:33 PM  
Blogger DirtyBitchSociety said...

This is one of my all time fav posts, I linked to it. Those Japanese are freaks. Gotta love it!

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Japenese porn said...

This is awesome stuff. Makes me want to go visit a porn shop in Japan to see it for myself.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your beer can story was posted on bash.org!

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Most sophisticated Japanese sex toys etc at Adult Treasure Expo 2007 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3rv6zhgEkM

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

My first visit to your site, and what a great entry. Had me laughing all the way through:)

1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't feel so bad...I am Asian and was once asked to urinate on a blue tarp...

I didn't do it though.

There is a market for everything in Japan.

7:45 PM  
Blogger The Churkindoose said...

I wish, like Holly, I could say that thanks to you I have seen some of that stuff but being curious and unafraid is what led me to your blog in the first place, you are a fantastic writer, I was laughing so loud throughout. Thank you!

9:39 PM  
Anonymous mispiston said...

I lost this blog about 6 mo. ago - really bummed me out because it is SOooo weird-hilarious (kinda like certain fungi). Happy it's still around.

However, artificial-cylindrical-
entertainment has been around a LONG time. Like last century? It was even a "Twilight Zone" episode called "Kick the Can". (Where a bunch of old wheezers found this "magic" can and became young again just by "kicking" it. Some metaphor!). And you THREW it away!

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BUTT FUNNELS.

Holy shit, I can't wait to tell my weaboo friends about this.

6:42 PM  
OpenID candiredding1984 said...

Uh, Rob, The French Tickler isn't supposed to be used to make0 uf for0 not having a date, it's supposed to be used to intensify a BJ.

Just thought you should know.

10:45 PM  
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1:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I firmly believe that there is nothing in this world that I would find offensive, but in the unlikely case that there is such a thing, it would probably be found in Japan. And sold in Japan. And popular in Japan.

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i literall stumbled into a pit of this and encourage ya'll to do the same. Great (?) interview with the ultimate purveyor of all things eel porn http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=1817719436

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Katie said...

Wow.

I...uh... wow.

I learned, I laughed...

I can't believe you fucked a can...

Not bad writing though, you should write a book about all your weird meanderings.

-katie-

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm aware that this may be years late... (followed the populationpaste link from a poster at geekologie)
But I laughed so hard I choked.
Cangina, Cangina, I fucked it, I fucked it and I hate myself, now it's gone....

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://onepasswords.com says: great pictures.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Isa said...

This is gold.

A+ would lol again.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

I went to this seedy ass porn store in Ropongi and there was just really messed up shit in there. None of this cute, funny stuff. I picked up this video and it had a school girl getting pissed on while blowing a donkey. THAT was at the front of the store. Needless to say I left in like 2 seconds.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the heck are butt funnels for...Looking for Butt-Weevils?

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11:51 PM  
Anonymous Pink said...

那是無意義的

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Jane Doe, PA said...

This is many years/moons after the fact and you'll probably never see this but, for some reason Rob...I have a new found respect for you after reading this! LMAO! :)

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