You people are perverts.

[Currently Listening To: The Warlocks - Surgery]


I recently discovered that my web hosting comes with a fun statistics service, which gives me all sorts of exhaustively detailed information about the people who visit this website, most of it completely useless. There is, however, one little gem for the digital voyeur in me: a listing of what people were searching for in Google (or some other search engine) that ultimately led them to my blog. And since my entry about Japanese sex toys has apparently been passed around more than a good-looking altar boy at a Catholic church (it's good to know that 200,000 strangers have read about me fucking a plastic beer can), I seem to be popping up in some very bizarre search results.

All of the following are actual phrases - spelled in context - that people typed into Google which ultimately led them to my page (conveniently linked so you can see what the other results were):

• clips of dads fucking there son's hard
• adult TMNT costume
• japan street anal sex
• rectum ice cubes inserted blogs
• guy fucking his gay friend in the living room
• things in pussys
• crack whore fucking
• pussy fucking monster machines
• fags blowing fags
• women playing with poop
• fucking my grandmother
• i hate fat people
• elaphantitis of breasts (I snickered at the mis-spelling of elephantitis when I saw this one, until I clicked the search results and found my own page came up, mis-spelling and all)
• Girls Humping Things
• metroid naked

So, my viewership seems to consist of incestuous gay coprophiliacs in Ninja Turtle costumes who jack off to video game characters. Yeah, I cater to a classy bunch.

On a completely unrelated note, this is my favorite link for today - it's actual ancient Roman graffiti found written on the walls of buildings in the city of Pompeii, including such classics as "Weep, you girls.  My penis has given you up.  Now it penetrates men’s behinds.  Goodbye, wondrous femininity!" and "Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog."