The Second Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards!
With the original MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards seeing a strange resurgence in popularity lately, I figured it was time to follow up on the theoretical promise of a sequel. So once again, Tamar and I dug through the bowels of MySpace in search of the worst of the worst. Of course, most of the bad haircuts on MySpace are the exact same bad haircut, as you can see illustrated here in our Magical Grid Of Bad Emo Hair®:
Still, we uncovered plenty of other folic atrocities, and so now we proudly present the newest superheroes of bad style - the hipsters, the drag queens, the goths, and the glams, they are...
| MySpace Name: Bryden is neato | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Claw | |
 |  | Hair Style: "The Haircut" Stylist: Strong winds Super Powers: Ability to select perfect camera angle that makes him look attractive on MySpace Secret Weapon: Unbridled Narcissism Known Allies: All 10,000 of his close personal friends on his MySpace friends list Base Of Operations: All-ages shows of shitty screamo bands Weakness: His own deeply rooted insecurity |
| MySpace Name: Glimm | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: The Joker | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Green Gobliness Stylist: The cashier at Ricky's Super Powers: Heightened ability to repress memories of Daddy touching his no-no spot by means of half-assed gender displacement Secret Weapon: Manic Panic |
| MySpace Name: Dr. Gypsy | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Fire | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Flashdance Stylist: Def Leppard Base Of Operations: The Rainbow Room Weakness: Frizz-Ease® |
| Special Band Edition: The Peppermint Creeps This whole band is so lame, we found an alter-ego for each member: | ||
| MySpace Name: Macy | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Sensor | Hair Styles: The Troll Doll Stylists: Barnum & Bailey Secret Weapon: Really bad music Super Powers: Ability to distract audiences away from their utter lack of talent by means of their colorful appearance Base Of Operations: The Viper Room, The Whiskey-A-Go-Go, or any other shitty Hollywood clubs that will let them play (at least until 8:00, when people start showing up for the headliners) Arch Enemies: The record industry, the media, and the world in general, for consistently failing to show even the slightest interest in their band |
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| MySpace Name: Robbie Stylez | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Ragdoll III | |
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| MySpace Name: Eddie | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Parademon | |
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| MySpace Name: Traci | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Ragdoll II | |
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| MySpace Name: Dirty Barby | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Cronus | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Every-Other-Look-Was-Taken Stylist: A blind six year old girl Secret Weapon: Lots and lots of drugs Known Allies: Perry Farrell Weakness: Rehab |
| MySpace Name: *Stardust* | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Mortalla | |
 |  | Hair Style: The 1994-All-Over-Again Stylist: Twiggy Ramirez Base Of Operations: Goth night Known Allies: The handful of other lame goth kids still clinging desperately to their dead scene and laughably dated style. |
| MySpace Name: Gnatty | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Hawk Girl | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Winged Weirdo Stylist: Boeing engineers Secret Weapon: Starch Known Allies: Her cats, and the crazy lady who talks to herself in the grocery store parking lot |
| MySpace Name: Jax | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Tomar-Re | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Pyke (punk-dyke) Stylist: Woody Woodpecker Super Powers: Stupid animal pattern tattoos allow her to communicate with nature, calling wild beasts to her side Arch Enemies: Every man on the planet Base Of Operations: The Dominion |
| MySpace Name: TIM CATA5TROPHE | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Razorsharp | |
 |  | Hair Style: "The Haircut" Stylist: Himself, standing in front of a mirror for HOURS at a time Secret Weapon: His sister's size zero Diesel jeans Super Powers: Looking exactly like every other twatty scene kid allows for impeccable camouflaging capabilities Known Allies: Anyone in a band Base Of Operations: Bang! |
| MySpace Name: JEFFREY CUNT STAR | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Anima | |
 |  | Hair Style: Thimply Fffaaabulouth Stylist: Marilyn Manson Super Powers: Ability to fail miserably at passing for a woman |
| MySpace Name: Lord Darkstar | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: I... Vampire | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Elvira Stylist: Kiss Known Allies: The overweight, greasy-haired, black-clad nerds he plays Dungeons & Dragons with Secret Weapon: Unstoppable deck of Magic cards Super Powers: Ability to ignore the fact that he's way too old to be casting spells and playing with plastic swords |
| MySpace Name: The Countess Bitch | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Forager II | |
 |  | Hair Style: There's Something About Mary Super Powers: Idiotic haircut gives people a reason to look at her, which they certainly would never do otherwise. Arch Enemies: Anyone who remembers how bland she looked in high school. |
| MySpace Name: Filthy & Gorgeous | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Desire | |
 |  | Hair Style: The "No Fucking Way He's Straight" Stylist: His classmates at beauty school Super Powers: Ability to stun enemies as they struggle to figure out if he's a man or a woman Secret Hideout: The closet |
| MySpace Name: RayWicked, last name Zombie | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: King Shark | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Bristlehead Base Of Operations: Any Misfits Show Super Powers: He's probably actually killed people. Like, for real. Weakness: Girls |
| This Year's Special Honorary Ultimate Supreme Douchebag Award Goes To: Jay | ||
 | Jay's hair is so unbelievably stupid, even the world of comic books could offer nothing close to the abomination occuring on his head. But if he did have a super hero alter-ego, we assume its origins would involve Boy George mating with a Magic Coral Garden:    | |
And since we're just as guilty.....
| MySpace Name: Rob | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Green Lantern | |
 |  | Hair Style: The Meticulously-Crafted Mess Stylist: Rudy's Barbershop Super Powers: Lightning-fast ability to unfairly pass judgement on complete strangers Mode Of Transportation: A Vespa and a Camaro. 'nuff said. Arch Enemies: Scroll up. |
| MySpace Name: Tamar | DC Superhero Alter-Ego: Gloss | |
 |  | Hair Style: "The Haircut" Stylist: Trendy, ludicrously overpriced Manhattan salon Super Powers: Super-human hypocrisy Known Allies: Usually people who don't realize she's making fun of them behind their backs Mode Of Transportation: The G train |
Related Posts:
Labels: myspace, special features
posted by Rob at 12:00 AM. [ permanent link ]
332 Comments:
i'd like to marry you.
This was fucking brilliant. I must pass this on...
Jesus Christ! This is excellent.
Yay.
Hell Yes!!! I have been very patiently waiting!!
jeffery *CUNT* star was blasted on somethingawful.com, during Myspace SWAT,as well. Poor guy...I guess he's learning the hard way, that not even a childhood riddled with incest and forced bestiality is an excuse for pink hair.
My dog just farted.
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Tamar's alter-ego even sports the earrings. That's magical.
HA HA HA this was funny.
but you got your own style with the comics... which is awesome.
please, please tell me that all the people on the pictures are americans! i mean, we do have weird looking people over here as well, but this massive accumulation of deadly hairstyles on one spot is like, i dunno, overwhelming... i think i'll have to go to the library today, where the only hairstyle i'll be surrounded by is the ralph-lauren-pony-tail-economy-student-my-bmw- is-waiting-outside-look. maybe my stomach gets better there... (cured by boredom)
but thank you guys for posting this very entertaining stuff.
where do you find these people?
and how long does it take to comb the dc-universe for the most obscure 'heroes' of all?
I think this guy needs to be added to the Magical Grid of Emo Hair:
http://img468.imageshack.us/img468/3939/emohair8rq.jpg
I don't know, add a little schmutz on the punum and you would look like dr. strange. Oh crap..did I say that out loud. Wrong universe Noooooooo!!!!!!
Classic, please do it again next year.
Hehe, good stuff Rob.
Lookin very tredy by the way ;)
What a nice return on my investment! :) I love it!
"Super Powers: Ability to stun enemies as they stuggle to figure out if he's a man or a woman"
Posts like these are why I keep you around.
I have to admit that this was funny, not too mean and insulting, and you did including yourselves.
BTW Twiggy Rameriz (one time close friend) and I did have the same stylist, Alex Dizon, and the year was 1999.
The Dominion eh? That'll make a girl blush.
You two will take over the world sometime and when that time comes I'm going to try my damnedest to be a worthy enemy. Remember - you may have a sharp tongue, a legion of hungry fans, and a great eye - but I know how to make a mean martini, wield a whip, and numb the masses thru religious rhetoric...
Miss you ro hate you? I just can't decide. ;)
Cherries and Chernobyl,
Jess Angell
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was 15 minutes im glad ill never get back!
i knew i recognized raywicked...i met him at a barbecue one time..pretty sure i'm even in one of the same groups as him. small world.
bwahahahaha! That was great! Please do it again next year.
OK...that was uncalled for. Unauthorized use of copywritten images will get my lawyer mad. First of all, the Lord Darkstar picture was made with a photo editing program. You couldn't tel it wasn't real , you moron?
How dare you post anything from me without permission? Remove it now. I'm not kidding. I like my myspace page inconspicuous... I'm not into having attention called to it.
i wonder how long it takes jay and gnatty to do their hair. they must spend the majority of their day fixing it.
darkstar - take it easy, man. obviously this is all in good fun. if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? when you have a very public profile on a public site like myspace, you're opening yourself up to the world. when you post pictures there, you're making them public domain (although i doubt you have actually copyrighted your photoshop project to begin with). in fact, have you ever read the myspace terms of service? technically they own anything you put up on their page.
Tamar is hot
Well maybe I'm being oversensitive... maybe it's because I am a Marvel fan and based that pic off an old 80's one issue Spiderman Villain named Ace.
It was when I got a myspace email titled "Congatulations ugly" that I got my feathers in uproar. Like it was taunting me. I only have 3 odd pics in my profile...2 from a movie in which I played a character and one (this one in question) altered from a Halloween pic of me as the Crow.It's not like I do that every day.
I guess I thought I was lost in millions of profiles... I don't even tell my friends about my myspace...on purpose. I felt I was exposed.
But I found the other post more brutal...the one about gothicpersonals... it seemed mean spirited and got my goat...which made for my reaction because it formed my opinion of this blog and author.
Can you blame me?
That is so funny that you added yourself and Tamar at the end. If you hadn't I was going to ask where you guys were because you so both have the fashion hair happening right now. Glad to see no haircuts like mine were present.
This is Bryden.
Anyone complaining about this needs to chill the fuck out. I personally think it's awesome. Just laugh about it dude, it's funny, and neat as fuck, hell I've been running around all day making all my friends call me Claw.
have a sense of humor people!!
darkstar, they did marvel heroes for last years awards. i wonder if i can nominate myself?? my mohawk surely must have a comic book counterpart...
I think the name should be changed to "My Mommy Didn't Hug Me Enough When I Was a Baby" awards.
I guess every generation had its share of troubled youth, but I'm not sure they were nightmare inducing. What does it say about our society that people would go to such lengths just to get noticed?
Sad. Thanks for making fun of them though. A laugh for me, at someone else's expense is always a good thing.
pretty funny, but you two making fun of these people is kinda like britney making fun of christina.
Ah, excellent. And thanks for putting Jeffree Star up there, it's one of my goals somewhere along the line to tell him that putting lipstick around the edge of his mouth went out a long time ago. And then I'm going to steal his purse.
What an insult to transvestites. Tim Curry would cry.
hahaha oh my god! im on that grid! im so embarresed! im not emo! i hate emo music!i need a hair cut...3rd row down...2nd from the end.(right). fuck!
i think this is great. to the people who think the comments are too mean - on the contrary, the jokes are just made-up judgements based solely on looking at a picture of the people. it doesn't really seem to be based in any reality about that person, so i can't see how the person being made fun of could get too upset by it and take it personally. the most accurate disses on this page are probably the ones the authors made about themselves, which makes all of this funnier and more acceptable. bravo!
This was fucking hilarious. Please say that there will be a third annual edition. Jay makes me want a Magic Coral Garden for chrismas. But I must admit your picture Rob made me think that you most resembled Liza Minnelli when she was on Arrested Development sporting that same stupid hair cut.
I have to admit...it took allot of work to find pictures that match each other so well. This was puttogether better than last years. In that aspect, this was rather impressive.
some great match-ups! I love the coral rocks one.. hehe
i saw rob and tamar at a nine inch nails show.does anyone know if are they an item? they are both hot.
i think a lot of people on this list are hott!!! like tim and darkstar and filthy-gorgeous!! don't hate on hott people!!!
another classic. thanks guys.
hey darkstar, looks like you finally shaved your vagina and realized these were all just jokes...and damn funny ones at that. I didn't even know such outcasts of society existed. These set a new standard on people who should be locked in boxes and thrown in the bottom of the ocean.
Nice touch including the band of trolls. AND finding their alter ego. Good work, kujo
well ive seen enough this is why the myspace must be tooken down, tooken down with monkeys thousands and thousands of evil monkeys. So yeah this is great keep up the stupid haircuts
holy shit, rob, will you father my children? i have been reading your websites for the past hour and laughing so hard it hurts
So much better than the award shows on TV, complete without Joan and Melissa Rivers. Thanks.
Tamar's pretty hot
wicked solid!
I noticed a few references to clubs In Ottawa...funny shit!!
its really hilarious that you gain your validity in life by making fun of people on the internet that are trying to gain validity by making fun of themselves on the internet.
its seems like your equally tools. get a fucking job douchebag.
and all you little tools that fawn over these witicisms as if god himself was waiting to tell you that t-shirts from urban outfitters were the stupidest fucking things every created (with this blog a close second), you are the true victims in this crime of an over done, useless medium called demonnbaby.
i hope the earth swallows the part of the internet that carries your crap. if you actually have the time to post all of those myspace pics, your life is seriously in need of some fucking reworking.
dont die. just please...go away.
BWAHAHAHAHA! To the "anonymous" poster above - 1: Before you try to diss people on the internet, start by learning proper grammar! 2: Nothing is more pathetic than seeing someone get so worked up by a complete stranger's blog. Your reaction is probably EXACTLY what the author of this page was looking for! You're a fucking idiot! HA HA HA
ha ha yeah anonymous - you're saying the guy who posted this has no life - at least he is entertaining thousands of people. what are you doing? just taking time out of your important life to COMPLAIN about it on someone's blog? HA! dumbass.
this page is fucking hilarious, i love it.
When I saw this year's Supreme Douchebag, I thought there was no possible way anyone could think that looked good or badass in any way. The rational part of my brain thought it had to be a joke.
I woke my parents up laughing so hard at that guy's myspace. Spectacular.
I love 'the haircut' because it's stupid.
No really, it IS stupid. Look at it. Just look.
Will next year's magical grid include the excessive use of chunky blonde patches, placed strategically to engance the postured apathetic camera angle.
WHat is it about bleaching a random patch of your head that just screams, "I HATE MY PARENTS!!"?
You rock. Hard.
=D
oh dear.
thats pretty effing funny.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
although I am a bit dissapointed that my name and picture did not appear on this list, nor the first.
I was looking foreward to it.
perhaps on part III?
http://www.myspace.com/cantsayno.
I actually thought "Filthy & Gorgeous" might be a moderately-attractive woman... until I realized she was a he.
i hate jeffree star i wish people would stop giving him attention
Rob-
I geuss you know your hot already right .....huh yea I'm sure you do.....if I was into totally meaningless sex with no worries of diseases or pregnancy then I would totally fuck you.
FUCKING SUPERB
Yeesh. What a fine collection of effeminate hags. Some of these people REALLY need to get over themselves. Cripes! Good call on some of those, and thanks for a hearty bout of schadenfreude!
Peppermint Creeps Images are Copywritten and not to be used with out permission. Remove images and references to or your page will be shut down and you will be subject to legal action. Should you have any doubts please contact Attorney Mark Litwak, Esq.
433 N. Camden Drive, Suite 1010 Beverly Hills, CA 90210 310-859-9595
Action is required.
god i know byrden irl what a piece of shit
Dude.
I hate scene kids.
I eat them for breakfast.
You rock.
I'm so sorry you had to remove the Peppermint Creeps images. What a bunch of cry babies.
Man, this guy has the worst haircut ever!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFkIVidc6DQ
This was f'n hilarious!!! I now firmly believe that myspace is the dumbest thing on earth. One universal truth I have found....the people that 'dress' or 'style' themselves in this way have nothing to lose as 99% of the time they are so butt ugly it can't hurt any way. Is that mean to say? Yes, but it's true
in a way, this was funny, but in other way stupid. I don't know, maybe stupidly funny?
but think about it, I just say let people have their own styles. If we are going judge everyone and put them down for their sense of style, then there should be a law that doesn't allow anyone to have their own liking because other people think it's stupid and have to make something like this. Plus, "emo" hair is not that bad, it's only bad if it's done wrong. lol.
but in a parody sense, I get where you are coming from lol.
and watch out, like that band right there, people can come after you for copyright infringment.
Thanks for the laugh.
The Pepperment Creeps are
whiney biatches. This is probably
the most publicity they would have
ever gotten. You'd think if you dress
*THAT* fruity you're BEGGING for attention.
Rudy's?! Ugh, you could have just taken a handful of their "stylists" as subject matter. Shame on you!
What kind of an attorney contacts someone through a blog comments section about a (supposedly) legal matter anyway?
Ahhh.. I know Dirty Barbie.
If you continue with your slanderous harrasment against my client by publishing their personal information we will have your page shut down, and you will be subject to legal action. Any questions pertaining to the law regarding this matter feel free to contact us.
You need to immediately remove all references regarding my client
Attorney Mark Litwak, Esq. 433 N. Camden Drive, Suite 1010 Beverly Hills, CA 90210 310-859-9595.
Attorney Mark Litwak, Esq. is a pussy
What kind of lawyer has a store on his webpage? why it must be Mark Litwak, hack attorney!
http://www.marklitwak.com/store/
Also, what kind of lawyer accuses someone of harassment but can't even spell it properly? Ha ha ha.
If it was illegal to call a band lame and link to their public MySpace profiles, the entire internet would have to be shut down.
To Attorney Litwak:
Judging from your picture on your blog (what kind of attorney has a blog on their professional website?), I'm guessing it's been a few years since you were in law school, so I thought I'd remind you that "slander" is spoken defamation, "libel" is written defamation, and "defamation" is a statement known to be false and made with the intention of damaging someone's reputation. I don't see any of those present here, and it seems to me that you're the one doing all the harassing. Speaking of which, posting links to publicly available information, such as a MySpace profile, in which your clients have no expectation of privacy is not harassment.
complete and utter ownage of emo kids and other losers
lmao, the word verficiation is: "ufaak"
Looks YOU are the one who's acting like a baby blogger boy. So a band doesn't want you to use their images? WAAAAAAAAA
Can't wait to see you in Hollywood again so I can Kick you right in your lame pinned knee!Then let's see who crying like a baby you punk ass bitch. You don't need look any farther than your own profile at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=372506 to find a subject to make fun of, you look like a fuckin faggot bitch with your emo wanna be hair. Watch your knee!
To the anonymous commenter above: I'm not sure what makes you sound more like a fourth grader: your "I'm gonna kick you you faggot" childish threats or your feeble grasp of the English language.
Rob actually DID make fun of himself, as you can see on this page, so that's not much of an insult there.
Also, let's see YOUR MySpace profile, and see if we can't find anything to make fun of. But of course, you'd never show us that because it's much easier to be tough when you're posting completely anonymously. Idiot.
This is fantastic! You should check out ESCA!
http://www.myspace.com/esca
Ahaha, I just got through with watching some wickedly bad peppermint creeps videos. The lead singer's annoying, nasally voice just doesn't fit the whole cyber/goth/80s hair metal/ thing they got going there.
an interesting comparison of the "anonymous" comment above vs. the myspace "about me" section of the peppermint creeps member "eddie electra."
here is eddie's "about me":
"My name is Eddie Electra I play guitar and sing in Hollywood Crazy ass Glam Punk Band PEPPERMINT CREEPS. Myself along with "partners in crime" Macy Malone, Traci Michaelz, and Robbie Styles are here to corrupt the youth of today and infiltrate Pop Culture so that we can piss in it's pretty face. I WAS playing Bass for 80's "hair band" PRETTY BOY FLOYD until i was just "over it". Cocky?!?!? But, of course!!! Oh yeah, Just because I wear makeup, DON'T mean I can't KICK YOUR ASS!"
now here is the comment that was left earlier:
"Looks YOU are the one who's acting like a baby blogger boy. So a band doesn't want you to use their images? WAAAAAAAAA
Can't wait to see you in Hollywood again so I can Kick you right in your lame pinned knee!Then let's see who crying like a baby you punk ass bitch. You don't need look any farther than your own profile at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=372506 to find a subject to make fun of, you look like a fuckin faggot bitch with your emo wanna be hair. Watch your knee!"
compare the grammar, sentence structure, general tone, and reckless capitalization - all nearly identical. coincidence?
aaaaa i love this page this is so funny!
Dude, the supreme ultimate douchebag's hair is awesome! I mean, think of the engineering that had to go into that! Work of fucking art. Jay, your head amazes and impresses me.
This whole post kicks ass. The DC images are priceless... The way you got the same camera angles and everything... I need to go find a link to send you money. Rock.
http://zdashamber.livejournal.com/
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I just can't get over how orange the dude on the left's teeth are in this picture: http://www.demonbaby.com/hair2/gnatty1.jpg
giant drag is fucking awesome.
<3 annie hardy.
To the above- that was a dumb and unnecessary band plug. And P.S...you are NOT fucking awesome. At all.
"You guys look funny" = constitutionally protected, non-defamatory expression of opinion
"I'm going to kick you in the knee you fucking faggot bitch" = actionable harassment
man. a lot of ppl can't take a fuking joke on here. show's who the real nitwits are aye ? i think so. i say keep up the work. anything that's on a public page is fair game. if you don't want your pic posted like this. don't post your pic. it's that simple. either that or make your page private. moron's i tell you. simple minded morons.