E3 Ramblings and Xbox Live Terrorism
[Currently Listening To: The Kinks - The Complete Collection
]
When I was a kid, time was measured in terms of how far away it was from December 25th. Christmas was the pinnacle of childhood joy and excitement - it was far and away the best day of the year. And as such, the night before Christmas was unquestionably the longest night of the year. The arduous wait for morning left me lying awake in my bed until late into the night, jittering in seizures of anticipation, excitedly fantasizing about what wonders would await me under the Christmas tree in just a matter of hours. Confined to my bed ("Santa won't come if you're not sleeping," my mother would tell me), I desperately tried to fall asleep to advance morning's arrival, but the excitement was simply too overwhelming.
The sad thing about growing up is that rarely, if ever, does anything even begin to approach those monumental levels of childhood excitement. If anything, becoming an adult is more or less a process of the world becoming more boring, as all of the wonders of life are gradually stripped away by reality. No, there's no such thing as magic. Animals cannot talk, nor will they ever. There's no such thing as Santa Claus, or The Easter Bunny, or The Tooth Fairy. Family Matters isn't funny - at all. The world just isn't as magical as you were led to believe it was.
It is a rare and wonderful occasion, then, when something manages to capture even a slice of that youthful Christmas Eve enthusiasm - and so it was for me last week as I grinned ear to ear while playing the new Nintendo system at E3.
E3, for those of you unaware, is the Electronics Entertainment Expo - a massive trade show for the video game industry, where every game-related company from around the world gathers to show off their upcoming software and hardware. It is not open to the public, as it is meant specifically for retailers, press, and members the gaming industry. I am none of those things, but I managed to get in anyway (this time without even having to put anyone's balls in my mouth). The whole event is a rather surreal experience - a nerd's wet dream of electronic overstimulation. It's also the sausage party to end all sausage parties. Never will you be in the company of more sweaty, pasty-faced men than at E3 - hell, even Comic-Con draws in a fair amount of girls (nevermind that they're 250 lbs and dressed like Klingons). With exceptions you could probably count on two hands, the only girls you'll see at E3 are the hired ones, who are referred to as "booth babes."
"Booth babes" are one of the strangest and most hilarious aspects of the E3 experience: Across the convention floor, each company hires attractive models to dress up in skimpy clothes (and/or as a video game character) and promote their product by luring horny nerds to their company's booth. The hotter the girls are, the shittier the product probably is - no surprise then that Nokia's N-Gage, the retarded little brother of portable game consoles - had a virtual army of gorgeous models attempting to trick people into thinking their product was even slightly cool. As companies struggle to outdo each others' booth babe presentations, they set up photo ops and giveaways, which often result in dumb stripper type chicks standing on a stage with a microphone, yelling - in that unique stripper voice which might as well be a neon "IDIOT" sign on their forehead - things like "Okaaay guys, who's next to come get your picture taken with some sexy laaaadies, and check out awesome new video games from Namco?"
Pictures taken, indeed. The funniest part is watching the nerds - or, the "sweaties," as I call them - actually line up just to get their photo snapped with a pretty girl or two. This is done for the same reason I would take a picture of myself in front of the Swiss Alps: Because it's probably something I'll never be that close to again for the rest of my life. Here are a couple fun examples I took:
It's kind of sad, right? I don't get it - what do you do with that photo? Jack off to it? Impress your equally lonely friends? I mean, at least the first one has a silly theme, but most of the examples I saw were more like the latter photo - just guys standing next to pretty girls, and looking damned happy about it. Best of all, as you watch these vacant model chicks go through the motions with sweaty after sweaty, feigning a smile over and over again, you can almost see how bummed they are that instead of posing for Playboy or some shit they're stuck at the bottom of the modeling barrel, getting slimed with geek grease all day and yapping about video games they'd never so much as touch if they weren't getting paid. For more evidence of how excited guys get over these chicks, IGN has many extensive pages of booth babe photos. In case girls in space suits are your thing.
Anyway, I got to spend some time with Wii, Nintendo's new system which promises to use its uniquely intuitive controller to take gaming outside of its steamed-up box of dweebery and appeal to a wider audience. People who don't normally play video games, or have lost interest in them because of the complexity of game controls, can pick up Wii and just have fun - and I think that's great. I could, in fact, write pages and pages about how I think this is an amazing approach and how the obsession with next-gen graphics is decreasing the overall quality and innovation of games, and bla bla bla, but I'll spare you all that - all I'll say is that, from hands-on experience, Wii is incredibly fun, and the philosophy behind it is perfect. While other systems are shitting out the same exact games with more reflections on the metals and more beads of sweat on the characters' faces, Nintendo is doing something bold and different, and, most importantly, fun. The next six months of waiting for its release are going to be like one big long Christmas Eve - I'm incredibly excited. My entire life will grind to a hault when I fire up that new Zelda game.
For right now, though, my favorite gaming hobby is Xbox Live terrorism. In case you're not aware, "Xbox Live" is the online service for the Xbox and Xbox 360 game systems. It allows you, among other things, to play video games against people from around the world via the magical powers of the internet. It seems like a neat idea, in theory - but the reality is, unless you're the hardest of hardcore nerds - the type of pasty, overweight male who lives in your mom's basement, sustains yourself on a steady diet of Cheetos and Bawls, and gets a stumpy little boner while snapping a photo with Lara Croft at E3 - you don't really stand a chance on Xbox Live.
I've discussed the pitfalls of the global arena before, and they rear their ugly head once again with Xbox Live. As much as I love video games, I don't have the time to get into them the way I used to - so when pitted against legions of sweaty, acne-faced know-it-alls who have been playing any given game for roughly seven thousand hours more than I have - it's not much of a competition. So, since I'm not going to win, I have to get creative to make it fun.
Xbox Live's best feature is that you can talk to your competitors while you're playing, by way of a headset. When you're wearing the headset, you look approximately this stupid:
Yes, that's me. Wearing my Xbox 360 headset. Take a number, ladies.
The device is actually a pretty significant nerd test: If you can manage to put the headset on and not feel so utterly and completely lame that you have to promptly remove it and announce "I can't do this" - you're probably a nerd. Just like me. I'm a huge fucking nerd, by the way - when I make fun of other people for being nerdy, I do not do so lightly. I have Star Wars spaceships hanging from my bedroom ceiling. I look at screenshots and trailers of upcoming video games on the internet. I have a stupidly large collection of action figures, both in and out of the packages. But I have to draw the line somewhere. I have to employ some degree of moderation in my nerdiness. The fine folks you'll be chatting with on Xbox Live know no such moderation. They are more or less the same type of pit-stained dweebs who populate internet gaming and computer forums, the anonymous stomping grounds of the opinionated loser elite where sniveling, empowered teenagers spend all day having fictional arguments with each other. It is here where you might see CovenantLord666 mocking l337CommandWarrior1984's laughably inferior knowledge of Final Fantasy chronology, to which SephirothTheAlmighty might wittingly chime in with "H0ly sh1tz0rz j00 0wnzorzed him upz0r!1" Riveting interactions like these come to life in a whole new way when you slide on your headset and discover that, when you finally get to hear them talk, all of these sweaties manage to have the exact same voice. You know the one: that snide, nasally tone, drenched in the overconfidence that only anonymity can provide, each sentence suffixed with a breathy sneer of a chuckle that says, in no uncertain terms: "I firmly believe that I am better than you in every way possible... so long as we're safely distanced by the internet." They are quick to call you "n00b" and snort cockily at your pitifully low gamerscore (incidentally, your gamerscore has an inverse relationship with the amount you get laid). And they do not like to be bothered during their online gaming. That's where I come in.
Since I'm usually losing miserably in the online mode of any game, I keep myself entertained by taunting and annoying the other players in amusing ways. I have a variety of voices that I use, like a pushy gay dude who makes his opponents incredibly uncomfortable by aggressively asking about their sexual encounters with other men, and a cocky Russian man named Boris who persistently claims victory for the motherland even when he is in last place. An actual in-game conversation I had - talking in my shitty Russian accent while playing some lame mech-combat game I'd had roughly one minute of experience with - went something like this:
And from there it just descended into chaos. And yes, I am extremely easily amused.
Another favorite activity is having a girl do the talking while I play the game - this causes all sorts of trouble, because the nerds' skid-marked tidy whities become soiled with the prospect that they have actually encountered the veritable Holy Grail of online gaming: The Girl Gamer. The girls I've done this with each have different approaches - Eileen put on her "phone sex voice" and flirtatiously pried into the sweaties' personal lives, while Tamar giggled and taunted the lesser players about how they were losing to a girl. The result is usually a subsequent landslide of friend requests and private messages, as the boys jerk off that night imagining they just had an online face-off with one of the booth babes who talked them into buying an N-Gage. Sometimes then I'll send them a message back, talking in my gay voice, at which point they realize they've been duped and become infuriated.
All of this is much funnier when you can actually hear what's happening - if anyone knows how to record both sides of an Xbox Live conversation, please let me know - I'd love to post some Xbox Live terrorism podcasts.
]When I was a kid, time was measured in terms of how far away it was from December 25th. Christmas was the pinnacle of childhood joy and excitement - it was far and away the best day of the year. And as such, the night before Christmas was unquestionably the longest night of the year. The arduous wait for morning left me lying awake in my bed until late into the night, jittering in seizures of anticipation, excitedly fantasizing about what wonders would await me under the Christmas tree in just a matter of hours. Confined to my bed ("Santa won't come if you're not sleeping," my mother would tell me), I desperately tried to fall asleep to advance morning's arrival, but the excitement was simply too overwhelming.
The sad thing about growing up is that rarely, if ever, does anything even begin to approach those monumental levels of childhood excitement. If anything, becoming an adult is more or less a process of the world becoming more boring, as all of the wonders of life are gradually stripped away by reality. No, there's no such thing as magic. Animals cannot talk, nor will they ever. There's no such thing as Santa Claus, or The Easter Bunny, or The Tooth Fairy. Family Matters isn't funny - at all. The world just isn't as magical as you were led to believe it was.
It is a rare and wonderful occasion, then, when something manages to capture even a slice of that youthful Christmas Eve enthusiasm - and so it was for me last week as I grinned ear to ear while playing the new Nintendo system at E3.
E3, for those of you unaware, is the Electronics Entertainment Expo - a massive trade show for the video game industry, where every game-related company from around the world gathers to show off their upcoming software and hardware. It is not open to the public, as it is meant specifically for retailers, press, and members the gaming industry. I am none of those things, but I managed to get in anyway (this time without even having to put anyone's balls in my mouth). The whole event is a rather surreal experience - a nerd's wet dream of electronic overstimulation. It's also the sausage party to end all sausage parties. Never will you be in the company of more sweaty, pasty-faced men than at E3 - hell, even Comic-Con draws in a fair amount of girls (nevermind that they're 250 lbs and dressed like Klingons). With exceptions you could probably count on two hands, the only girls you'll see at E3 are the hired ones, who are referred to as "booth babes."
"Booth babes" are one of the strangest and most hilarious aspects of the E3 experience: Across the convention floor, each company hires attractive models to dress up in skimpy clothes (and/or as a video game character) and promote their product by luring horny nerds to their company's booth. The hotter the girls are, the shittier the product probably is - no surprise then that Nokia's N-Gage, the retarded little brother of portable game consoles - had a virtual army of gorgeous models attempting to trick people into thinking their product was even slightly cool. As companies struggle to outdo each others' booth babe presentations, they set up photo ops and giveaways, which often result in dumb stripper type chicks standing on a stage with a microphone, yelling - in that unique stripper voice which might as well be a neon "IDIOT" sign on their forehead - things like "Okaaay guys, who's next to come get your picture taken with some sexy laaaadies, and check out awesome new video games from Namco?"
Pictures taken, indeed. The funniest part is watching the nerds - or, the "sweaties," as I call them - actually line up just to get their photo snapped with a pretty girl or two. This is done for the same reason I would take a picture of myself in front of the Swiss Alps: Because it's probably something I'll never be that close to again for the rest of my life. Here are a couple fun examples I took:
It's kind of sad, right? I don't get it - what do you do with that photo? Jack off to it? Impress your equally lonely friends? I mean, at least the first one has a silly theme, but most of the examples I saw were more like the latter photo - just guys standing next to pretty girls, and looking damned happy about it. Best of all, as you watch these vacant model chicks go through the motions with sweaty after sweaty, feigning a smile over and over again, you can almost see how bummed they are that instead of posing for Playboy or some shit they're stuck at the bottom of the modeling barrel, getting slimed with geek grease all day and yapping about video games they'd never so much as touch if they weren't getting paid. For more evidence of how excited guys get over these chicks, IGN has many extensive pages of booth babe photos. In case girls in space suits are your thing.
Anyway, I got to spend some time with Wii, Nintendo's new system which promises to use its uniquely intuitive controller to take gaming outside of its steamed-up box of dweebery and appeal to a wider audience. People who don't normally play video games, or have lost interest in them because of the complexity of game controls, can pick up Wii and just have fun - and I think that's great. I could, in fact, write pages and pages about how I think this is an amazing approach and how the obsession with next-gen graphics is decreasing the overall quality and innovation of games, and bla bla bla, but I'll spare you all that - all I'll say is that, from hands-on experience, Wii is incredibly fun, and the philosophy behind it is perfect. While other systems are shitting out the same exact games with more reflections on the metals and more beads of sweat on the characters' faces, Nintendo is doing something bold and different, and, most importantly, fun. The next six months of waiting for its release are going to be like one big long Christmas Eve - I'm incredibly excited. My entire life will grind to a hault when I fire up that new Zelda game.
For right now, though, my favorite gaming hobby is Xbox Live terrorism. In case you're not aware, "Xbox Live" is the online service for the Xbox and Xbox 360 game systems. It allows you, among other things, to play video games against people from around the world via the magical powers of the internet. It seems like a neat idea, in theory - but the reality is, unless you're the hardest of hardcore nerds - the type of pasty, overweight male who lives in your mom's basement, sustains yourself on a steady diet of Cheetos and Bawls, and gets a stumpy little boner while snapping a photo with Lara Croft at E3 - you don't really stand a chance on Xbox Live.
I've discussed the pitfalls of the global arena before, and they rear their ugly head once again with Xbox Live. As much as I love video games, I don't have the time to get into them the way I used to - so when pitted against legions of sweaty, acne-faced know-it-alls who have been playing any given game for roughly seven thousand hours more than I have - it's not much of a competition. So, since I'm not going to win, I have to get creative to make it fun.
Xbox Live's best feature is that you can talk to your competitors while you're playing, by way of a headset. When you're wearing the headset, you look approximately this stupid:
Yes, that's me. Wearing my Xbox 360 headset. Take a number, ladies.
The device is actually a pretty significant nerd test: If you can manage to put the headset on and not feel so utterly and completely lame that you have to promptly remove it and announce "I can't do this" - you're probably a nerd. Just like me. I'm a huge fucking nerd, by the way - when I make fun of other people for being nerdy, I do not do so lightly. I have Star Wars spaceships hanging from my bedroom ceiling. I look at screenshots and trailers of upcoming video games on the internet. I have a stupidly large collection of action figures, both in and out of the packages. But I have to draw the line somewhere. I have to employ some degree of moderation in my nerdiness. The fine folks you'll be chatting with on Xbox Live know no such moderation. They are more or less the same type of pit-stained dweebs who populate internet gaming and computer forums, the anonymous stomping grounds of the opinionated loser elite where sniveling, empowered teenagers spend all day having fictional arguments with each other. It is here where you might see CovenantLord666 mocking l337CommandWarrior1984's laughably inferior knowledge of Final Fantasy chronology, to which SephirothTheAlmighty might wittingly chime in with "H0ly sh1tz0rz j00 0wnzorzed him upz0r!1" Riveting interactions like these come to life in a whole new way when you slide on your headset and discover that, when you finally get to hear them talk, all of these sweaties manage to have the exact same voice. You know the one: that snide, nasally tone, drenched in the overconfidence that only anonymity can provide, each sentence suffixed with a breathy sneer of a chuckle that says, in no uncertain terms: "I firmly believe that I am better than you in every way possible... so long as we're safely distanced by the internet." They are quick to call you "n00b" and snort cockily at your pitifully low gamerscore (incidentally, your gamerscore has an inverse relationship with the amount you get laid). And they do not like to be bothered during their online gaming. That's where I come in.
Since I'm usually losing miserably in the online mode of any game, I keep myself entertained by taunting and annoying the other players in amusing ways. I have a variety of voices that I use, like a pushy gay dude who makes his opponents incredibly uncomfortable by aggressively asking about their sexual encounters with other men, and a cocky Russian man named Boris who persistently claims victory for the motherland even when he is in last place. An actual in-game conversation I had - talking in my shitty Russian accent while playing some lame mech-combat game I'd had roughly one minute of experience with - went something like this:
Me: Stuuuupid Americans. Mother Russia crush you with iron fish!
SmugGamerNerd1: Ha! It's iron FIST you foreign idiot!
Me: You are puny little America faggot. I smash you with mighty fish. I kill you and your sissy face.
SmugGamerNerd2: Is that why you're in LAST PLACE?? HA!
SmugGamerNerd3: Ha ha, oh man, this guy is a TARD!
Me:I am much of the winner, little anus boys. You play many little videogame and never to touch woman. In my country, I make love to hundred woman. Two woman is touching my pennis right now, sweaty boy.
SmugGamerNerd2: Yeah, right! Maybe if you tried shutting up you wouldn't be getting your ass kicked so bad, fag!
Me: It is you who have ass kicked, puny America faggot. In my country, I touch the naked vagina and you play little games. You should eat of my cock, smelly ballbag man!
SmugGamerNerd3: Dude, shut the fuck up, we're playing a game here!
Me: I put my fish in your rear hole, stinky boys! Victory for motherland!
SmugGamerNerd1: What the fuck? Do you not understand English? You're LOSING douchebag!
SmugGamerNerd2: Yeah, and your country sucks anyway! Russia is like poor and stuff!
Me: Mother Russia make a giant shit on puny America! You are eating of cock, little scrotum boy! In my country, I touch many more of vagina than you! Vagina of Russia woman very wet and with much smell! Smell is like salty clam! You will never know! You are worthless fuckermother with no vagina touching! In my country -
SmugGamerNerd3: SHUT UP!! You're ruining the game!
Me: Russia not to be silence! We destroy you country little puny faggot boy!
SmugGamerNerd2: Ha! We could kick your stupid country's ass! We have like more nuclear bombs than you have people!
SmugGamerNerd3: Guuuys, honestly, stop, this is so annoying!
SmugGamerNerd1: Fuck off noob, you're talking just as much as them!
SmugGamerNerd3: Fuck you man, this is fucking bullshit!
Me: FREEDOM FOR MOTHERLAND! DEATH TO AMERICAN!!
SmugGamerNerd2: SHUT UP!!!
Me: I PISS ON YOUR MUSTACHE!!!!!
SmugGamerNerd3: FUUUCK YOOUUU!!!!
Me: MY COCK IN YOUR FATHER!!!!!!
And from there it just descended into chaos. And yes, I am extremely easily amused.
Another favorite activity is having a girl do the talking while I play the game - this causes all sorts of trouble, because the nerds' skid-marked tidy whities become soiled with the prospect that they have actually encountered the veritable Holy Grail of online gaming: The Girl Gamer. The girls I've done this with each have different approaches - Eileen put on her "phone sex voice" and flirtatiously pried into the sweaties' personal lives, while Tamar giggled and taunted the lesser players about how they were losing to a girl. The result is usually a subsequent landslide of friend requests and private messages, as the boys jerk off that night imagining they just had an online face-off with one of the booth babes who talked them into buying an N-Gage. Sometimes then I'll send them a message back, talking in my gay voice, at which point they realize they've been duped and become infuriated.
All of this is much funnier when you can actually hear what's happening - if anyone knows how to record both sides of an Xbox Live conversation, please let me know - I'd love to post some Xbox Live terrorism podcasts.
Labels: anecdotes, nerd humor, video games
posted by Rob at 4:39 AM. [ permanent link ]
50 Comments:
holy shit.. this is the best e3 report i've ever read
Man, you're my new hero.
The new entry was worth the wait.
Keep up the good work Rob!
- Joe
Simply awesome, you nailed Xbox live.
After much coercing from my friends, I decided to bite that uber-nerd bullet and start playing WoW. And if that wasn't enough, my friends insist on using voice chat in the game.
Last night I was sitting, unwashed and half-dressed, staring at a computer screen wearing a headset/mic. My girlfriend, who had been napping mere feet away, woke up to find me excitedly discussing armor and horde raids and the like. She didn't say anything, but then again, she didn't need to.
So I left my shame behind, logged off, and went to dinner.
Im gonna have to try some xbox terrorism, my brother got a xbox 360 this week.
clearly you have far too much free time on your hands these days...
i see mitch has friends now -- hooray!
i _like_ horses.
Love the Xbox Live part. I am 26 and still enjoy prank calling strangers. Sometimes I call my friends and pretend that I am a talking monkey named Dangles. No I am not on drugs, simply childish.
lol... you are very, very funny - a veritable walking - talking -writing son of goatse. Actually, I am not sure who is the bigger asshole.
I wonder if the bottle to the face was just a taste for all this bad bad karma you are banking... and I suspect there is somebody out there just waiting to cash in the rest of those bad karma chips for you.
When will the hammer to fall....? I wonder... will that post be a shot of you posing with one of your severed arms - right before your last victim stuffed it up your ass... or perhaps a shot of you with your distented rectum after a back-alley-broken-beer-bottle extraction - I imagine the image to be a bit like those snake buskers who will sell a poloroid shot of you holding his pet for 10 bucks.
Anyway... keep up the good work and make sure to leave some room for your dessert(s).
rubberneck roy
oh man...
my stomach hurts from laughing.
kinda wish I had an x-box now,
but then again i think i'll stick to comic books....
thank you Rob
Man, this blog entry should get a NSFW warning. My co-workers are all looking at me right now. Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face, when actually you want to laugh out loud?? Bastard!
I want to have your babies! And I hate you! I've been DYING to go to E3 since I first heard about it!
As a girl gamer, and a previous owner of an X-box with the Live hookup, I can totally agree with the nerdlust that happens as soon as they hear that a female is playing with them. I always found it amusgusting. But a lot easier to win.
dude, greatest blog ever. definitly top of the blog pops!
keep givin' it shit!
another hilariously funny blog post. I honour thee!
I can't wait until you can record these conversations!
*giggles excitedly*
Listen homie, leave the comic book girls alone. I am not 250 and I own nothing remotely Klingon-like. I'm a big Sam Kieth/Neil Gaiman fan and go to the conventions to look for old issues/figures/trade paperbacks. I'm certainly not a 'babe' but I turn a few heads, if I do say so myself.
And even though you're clearly a Nintendo purist...did you check out the new Guitar Hero 2? Now, that is the game to end all games.
I think you just described three-quarters of the ETS population. Nice work! I am vastly amused.
s.
Is that Mario/Princess picture from E3, too? It kind of makes me want to cry.
"i piss on your mustache"
brilliant
I laid my head into my hands and wept with great love and pride at the mention of my friend Boris.
People, you know nothing of Boris until you see him soaking wet, wearing a "I *heart* NY" t-shirt, frantically waving an small American flag, and shrieking "ROCK AND ROLL! WHERE IS THE LIBERTY STATUE?!" on a speedboat blaring AC/DC.
I have the fucking pictures to prove it. Don't tempt me.
I *heart* YOU, Rob. Verily.
ive been a religious visitor to demonbaby blog since july last year.. simply the best..
-straight from singapore
You know, there are millions of Team Speak WoW nerds out there, right now, neglecting their children and avoiding calls from their divorce attorneys whilst sporting headsets, for Saturday night Raids. I'm gonna be the first to cash in on my own version of the Betty Ford Clinic of WoW rehab. Maybe I can push it via a booth at E3. I don't know if hot chicks will be useful, though.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dude, I bow before you! Get those sweaties!!
I still can't understand the fascination with people and video games. ..
Out of curiosity, what were you wearing at E3?
It wasn't by any chance a green tshirt and black hat? Or perhaps I'm lying.
i'm not a gamer, but your writing is so fucking funny i just have to keep coming back for the laughs.
thanks.
Don't know if you've figured out how to record the conversations. But you could give this a try:
Instead of plugging the headphone into the xbox controller, plug an audio cable from the xbox controller into AUDIO IN on your pc and record.
Does that make sense?
Rosalyn
That headset you were wearing looks almost like the one I use for my IP phone at work!
I'm a female gamer, and you're so right about the headset. I feel like such an idiot wearing it, that most of the time I don't.
There are a lot more female gamers than people think. And most of us are pretty cute. ^_^
I was at E3 also. I enjoyed Guitar Hero 2, Resistance, FFXII, and of course the Wii. Although I am really looking forward to Enchant Arm for the 360.
Great E3 report. Maybe in the future booth babes will be replaced by girl gamers that actually enjoy and have knowledge of gaming. ^_^
For some reason this makes me smile
"Instead of plugging the headphone into the xbox controller, plug an audio cable from the xbox controller into AUDIO IN on your pc and record."
And you'd plug the mic into the audio out so he could still talk right? I may be going to a friends house who has a 360.
Hey! I am a "girl gamer", and now i wish i could use xbox live, it would be funny for me to talk while my brother played...ahh how i wish i could torment them all...overall, it would rock! and hey, RUSSIA RULES (even tho im not from Russia...)
I do the 'Phone Sex' voice when I'm playing online, too. I find it's easier to win when all my opponents are playing one handed.
You had me at hello.
I too like making fuck.
Hardest I've lauged online.....................ever!
Wow, your geekiness is incandescent. I love it. ^-^ Plus, you're kind of cute.
i experimented with xbox live and tried to sex it up as much as possible (being both female and completely lacking in actual gaming skills) and not only did i receive a slew of friend requests, but half-sincere marriage proposals and many "i love yous" over the headset. my favorite thing was probably how enthusiastically they were about having their characters "hump" mine in the game...i suspect this is the closest they will probably get to actual humping with a member of the opposite sex, so they wanted to make the most of it...i shouldn't even mention that in halo, as even i know, all the characters are male.
Girl gamer here, and I do the exact same thing when my brother's playing on the Xbox, I'll just take his headset from him and start wondering aloud in a clueless voice where the "jump", "fire", and "switch weapon" buttons are, and then leave a path of desctruction behind me.
Girl gamer here, and I do the exact same thing when my brother's playing on the Xbox, I'll just take his headset from him and start wondering aloud in a clueless voice where the "jump", "fire", and "switch weapon" buttons are, and then leave a path of desctruction behind me.
I think I cracked a rib ... can I send you the bill?
Watching the new South Park episode made me think of your XBOX Live shenangians. If you've never heard or seen this, this is a must, hehe.
http://www.nextlevelarcade.com/games/World-of-Warcraft-raid-leader-goes-totally-apeshit
Holy shit! I own an x-box and am definitely going to start with the terrorism. I'm a big kid (not a sweaty, but definitely a nerd) and I don't have the time to play "gears of war" for 9000+ hours, so I might as well have some fun with the people who do. BTW, ne1 who wants my gamer-tag, message me at:
www.myspace.com/shadows_essence
no I don't have stupid hair or am a goth, I'm a gamer.
Haha! Being a female gamer, and extreme closet nerd, I can relate to taunting the little piggies. It really does give one an advantage over the guys. Either you get tons of friend requests/messages or they try not to seem like such a nerd and call you a fat lesbian. Oh, and from every encounter i've had with lady-gamers, we're not fat, nor lesbians.
oh yeah, my gamertag is oXo Mads oXo
Speak for yourself, Maddy. I'm a gamer girl, cute *and* a lesbian. One who deeply enjoys these sort of antics.
haha man ur funny evry story i guess u cud call it or report of urs i love makes me laugh so much:)
hahaha, so funny.
xbox terrorism, I have to take that up.
Are gamer girls really such a rare, titillating creature? I play a ton of video games on a daily basis (and no, I'm NOT 200+ pounds) and I know a few girls who play at least a few games. On the other hand, I don't know many girls, and I'm rarely friends with girls because I don't tend to share their interests, like fashion, make-up and some singer named Carrie Underwood, so maybe they are that rare...
I'm actually one of those good looking gamer girls. I don't fit in to the homebody 300lb housewife or the preteen "like, oh my god" categories. So, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Guys act like it's some sort of foul against all things gaming just because I have tits... until I start kicking their ass.
most epic e3 report ever....
You may perceive this as sad, funny, or both. But I take no shame in saying that I am a master at filling peoples' hearts with rage on Xbox Live. What this person does wouldn't phase most people on Xbox Live. It might make them laugh, or at best, make them half-heartedly insult you back, with little indication of any actual temper. But like I said, I, however, have mastered this art. If Xbox Live didn't delete messages in your inbox after 30 days, my inbox would have 200+ hateful messages, each one saying something like "fucking faggot" and "kill yourself" and "assholes piece of shit" and occasionally "i have ur IP address, im gonna hack ur account faggit". For the record, all, I repeat, ALL threats to hack anyone's XBL account are bluffs. Each time someone says he'll hack my account, I message him every other day, asking him if he hacked my account yet, until he stops making excuses. Anyways, generally you just have to look for ways to annoy your own team. I could go on forever on ways to do that, but I won't, I'll just say that that is key: making the game hell for your own team. Remember that, whoever wrote this.
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