Japan Super Happy Fun Time First Part! Mega Fun Costume Party Explosion!!

[Currently Listening To: Queens Of The Stone Age - Era Vulgaris]

If you've been here a while, you're probably aware of my love affair with Japan - in particular my keen interest in its unnatural abundance of weird shit. I'm far from being one of those mouth-breathing gaijin boys who immerses himself in anime, jacks off to tentacle porn, and is known by a Japanese nickname on internet forums (okay, maybe once I jacked off to tentacle porn, but I swear I was drunk); I just find Japan to be an incredible place with a culture so unique and far-removed from Western sensibilities that it can truly feel like a different planet. Most importantly though, everything in Japan just seems like a lot more fun. Hell, even parking is more fun in Japan.

We dined at a popular theme restaurant called The Lockup, where you are handcuffed and escorted to a prison cell to dine in. Skulls decorate the dungeon-esque walls, and specialty drinks come in syringes and test tubes. We found many, many arcades (long dead in the States, but thriving in Japan) with amazingly sophisticated photo sticker booths, which resulted in grotesquely awesome pictures like these:



I should add those aren't Photoshopped in any way at all - that's exactly how they come out of the photo booth after some fun touch-screen customization. Why we don't have shit like that over here is beyond baffling to me.

Of course, the best part for a nerd like me is the toys. Japan, without question, is home to the coolest and widest selection of toys in the world. So cool, in fact, that some of the toy stores have to be guarded by giant terrifying Japanese puppy monsters:



I went to several multi-level toy stores, notably Hakuhinkan in Ginza, and Kiddy Land in Harajuku, trying to keep my bank account in tact as I gazed in wonder at the endless aisles of incredibly cool stuff. At Hakuhinkan, a whole aisle of goofy Japanese masks and party outfits revealed that Japanese costume parties are probably way more fun than American ones - if for no other reason than the strange popularity of creepy drag costumes for Japanese men:



Although, far scarier is this Japanese Michael Jackson costume I found:



When I was a kid I loved Michael Jackson so much that I dressed up like him for Halloween one year. It's scary to think that my six year old self adored Jacko so much, that if I'd somehow met him, he probably could have talked me into letting him touch my peepee with minimal hassle - no Jesus Juice required. Call me a cheap date.

Anyway, in looking at some of the pictures I took of the costumes, I noticed a web site listed for the manufacturer. That led me to the oddly-named JIG Paradise, a Japanese costume catalog with the most incredible assortment of funny/creepy photos of costumed Japanese men perhaps ever assembled. For example, check out Japanese Britney Spears, looking almost as ugly as the real thing:



Japanese and rockabilly always make for humorously awkward bedfellows:



Even common costume fodder like the trusty "muscle chest" outfit seems much more exciting in a Japanese package:



And then there's these guys:



The costume on the left, in case you're wondering, is a takoyaki - a fried octopus ball - a hugely popular Japanese snack, and a gooey, vomit-enducing nightmare to even the most daring Western tastebuds.

But if that's all a bit too mainstream, maybe you want to attend your next costume party as a cannibalistic turnip, or a... red... thing? What's that meant to be on the right?



And for that matter, what the hell are these costumes? Other than some kind of tree from a Dr. Seuss book, I can't even guess what these might be:



Strangely, the most popular costume in Japan seems to be the simply-titled "party costume":



The party costume a one-piece, one-color outfit worn by dancing, large-headed men whose little ding-dongs poke out playfully from underneath:



Add some metallic colors and face paint, and you get something straight out of my nightmares:



What would you do if those two dudes on the right approached you in a dark alley, just smiling, saying nothing? I would pee in my pants and sob uncontrollably is what I would do. I expect to see them showing up in the next David Lynch movie.

Spend some time browsing around "JIG Paradise" for more awesome photos - they even have costumes for your penis:



Damnit Japan, you've really thought of everything.