I Suppose I Should Probably Endorse A Presidential Candidate

[Currently Listening To: The Duke Spirit - Neptune]


You know our electoral process is some kind of fucked when most of the really interesting Presidential candidates have already dropped out or been swept under the rug before you even get a chance to vote. But that's a discussion for another day. Today is Super Tuesday, and although I'm probably preaching to the choir here, I feel it's worth dropping in my two cents, and saying that I feel very good about voting for Barack Obama. Oh, and I think you should too.

There are a lot of reasons Obama's an excellent choice for President. If you're a Democrat, you probably already know that. But if you're still planning to vote for Hillary, consider one very basic reason to switch to Obama: He has, unequivocally, the best chance of winning against a Republican adversary. It's looking more and more like John McCain will be the Republican candidate, and while I'd take a thousand John McCains over one Mike Fuckabee, he's still a war cheerleader, against net neutrality, is massively pro-life, and even supports the teaching of intelligent design in public schools. Oh, and did I mention he's a Republican? If that sounds eye-rollingly partisan, it's not, exactly. As dumb as it is, we do still have a two-party system in the United States, and I believe it's extremely important that we send a message to the Republican party, and more importantly, the world, to let them know that no matter who the Republican candidate is and no matter how much he separates himself from the Bush administration, we will not reward that political party for the disastrous eight years they just subjected our country to. At a time when our relationship with the rest of the world ranges from tenuous to FUBAR, no choice we make would send a message that we're ready to stop being such ignorant tools quite like a win for Obama. It may seem obvious, but symbols are hugely important, and a young, inspiring, black anti-war President with the middle name Hussein sends one hell of a fucking message. It's an olive branch to all the countries saner than ours who have watched with dropped jaws as the world's greatest nation got hijacked by a corrupt, war-mongering, right-wing hillbilly half-wit, and then we re-elected him. It's the world sighing in relief that they don't have to worry about us suddenly bombing Iran back to the stone age and starting another disaster of a war. Even if Obama doesn't live up to his promises of change, he will change the way people think about Americans from day one, because we will have finally stood up and announced, as a people, that we're not just ready for a new President - we're ready for the polar fucking opposite of George Bush.

So why, then, is Obama such a better choice than Hillary? The brilliant Lawrence Lessig makes a very clear, reasonable case for Obama here, which I encourage you to listen to as it sums up my own feelings better than I could. But what he doesn't address is the reason not to vote for Hillary even if you think she would make the best President: her electability. I don't particularly dislike Hillary Clinton, although The Ultimate Online Archive of Unflattering Hillary Clinton Photos makes her incredibly entertaining to make fun of. My favorite is this one - Hillary's terrifying "psychotic woodchuck" face and Natalie Portman's nipples in the same photo makes my penis very confused. Anyway, a lot of people irrationally despise Hillary. She is extremely polarizing, and for one reason or another, she's become the great Republican terror. This Huffington Post editorial makes a strong case for what I've been saying all along: the Republican hatred of Hillary will unite them and energize them against her - choosing her as the Democratic candidate is the best thing the Republicans could ask for. The right wing isn't exactly excited bout McCain, but they're insane at the very thought that Hillary Clinton might be President. They'd rather have gay sex in a church while performing abortions with a crucifix than vote for Hillary. Obama has a wider appeal, particularly to independents and even some Republicans. He's the best hope we have, and unfortunately with the stakes as they are, that's really the only reason any Democrat should need. Thankfully, I also think Obama would make the best President, so I don't have to feel like I'm just voting for the lesser of two evils.

And now, here's the cynicism you've been waiting for: I hope I'm wrong, I really hope I do, but I fear that as strong as Obama is, in the end our country just can't ignore its centuries-old hard-on for old white men. We're still a nation of bigots, and as that lovable, backwards-ass fifty one percent of our population who chose to re-elect Bush steps into the voting booth, thinking in spite of themselves that maybe Barack Obama would make a great President, they're going to pause, and look at the familiar old white man with his POW story and his love of unborn fetuses, and they're going to remember that they really don't like black people all that much... and say hello President McCain. I hope I'm wrong. I really do. But as much as I believe Obama should be our President, and as convinced as I am that he has a better chance of winning than Hillary, I fear that when all is said and done, our stupid, stupid country just isn't ready for that much change.

Prove me wrong, America.